Its A Dog With Toast!

Pictures from /b/.

2009-12-07T02:32:00.002+08:00

All About My Dog - Marimo

2009-09-12T16:03:00.001+08:00

U RAFF U RUSE

2009-08-31T21:28:00.003+08:00

You WTF or LoL, you lose.

The Epic Fail Card

2009-08-28T18:02:00.001+08:00

GET THIS CARD AT NO POSSIBLE SHOPS IN MALAYSIA NOW!!!! LIMITED EDITION!!

GOOGLE

2009-08-20T14:18:00.002+08:00

DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD

2009-08-14T01:13:00.001+08:00

THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED

Sauce: Creepypasta

German Medic

2009-08-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

In winter of 1944, with overtaxed supply lines in the Ardennes, a German medic had completely run out of plasma, bandages and antiseptic. During one particularly bad round of mortar fire, his encampment suddenly became a bloodbath. The survivors claimed to hear, above the screams and barked commands of their Lieutenant, someone cackling with almost girlish glee.

The medic made his rounds during the fire, in almost complete darkness as he had so many times before, but never this short on supplies.

The bombardment moved to other ends of the line, most men dropped off to sleep in the still dark hours of the morning - New Year’s Day, 1945.

The men awoke at first light with screams. They discovered that their bandages were not typical bandages at all, but hunks and strips of human flesh. Several men had been given fresh blood transfusions, with no blood supplies available. Each treated man was almost completely covered, head-to-toe, with the maroon stain of blood.

The medic was found, sitting on an ammunition tin, staring off into space. When one man approached him, tapped him on the shoulder, his tunic fell off to reveal all skin, muscle, and sinew had been stripped from his torso and his body almost completely dried of blood. In one hand was a scalpel, and in the other, a blood transfusion vial.

None of the men treated for wounds that night, in that camp, saw the end of January, 1945.

PUNISHMENT!

2009-08-02T17:36:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UuD4qEThbg&feature=channel

Russian Sleep Experiment

2009-07-18T21:46:00.002+08:00

Russian researchers in the late 1940's kept five people awake for fifteen days using an experimental gas based stimulant. They were kept in a sealed environment to carefully monitor their oxygen intake so the gas didn't kill them, since it was toxic in high concentrations. This was before closed circuit cameras so they had only microphones and 5 inch thick glass porthole sized windows into the chamber to monitor them. The chamber was stocked with books, cots to sleep on but no bedding, running water and toilet, and enough dried food to last all five for over a month.

The test subjects were political prisoners deemed enemies of the state during world war II.

Everything was fine for the first 5 days, the subjects hardly complained having been promised (falsely) that they would be freed if they submitted to the test and did not sleep for 30 days. Their conversations and activities were monitored and it was noted that they continued to talk about increasingly traumatic incidents in their past, and the general tone of their conversations took on a darker aspect after the 4 day mark.

After five days they started to complain about the circumstances and events that lead them to where they were and started to demonstrate severe paranoia. They stopped talking to each other and began alternately whispering to the microphones and one way mirrored portholes. Oddly they all seemed to think they could win the trust of the experimenters by turning over their comrades, the other subjects in captivity with them. At first the researchers suspected this was an effect of the gas itself...

After nine days the first of them started screaming. He ran the length of the chamber repeatedly yelling at the top of his lungs for 3 hours straight, he continued attempting to scream but was only able to produce occasional squeaks. The researchers postulated that he had physically torn his vocal cords. The most surprising thing about this behavior is how the other captives reacted to it... or rather didn't react to it. They continued whispering to the microphones until the second of the captives started to scream. The 2 non screaming captives took the books apart, smeared page after page with their own feces and pasted them calmly over the glass portholes. The screaming promptly stopped.

After 3 more days passed. The researchers checked the microphones hourly to make sure they were working, since they thought it impossible that no sound could be coming with 5 people inside. The oxygen consumption in the chamber indicated that all 5 must still be alive. In fact it was the amount of oxygen 5 people would consume at a very heavy level of strenuous exercise. On the morning of the 14th day the researchers did something they said they would not do to get a reaction from the captives, they used the intercom inside the chamber, hoping to provoke any response from the captives they were afraid were either dead or vegetables.

They announced: "We are opening the chamber to test the microphones step away from the doors and lie flat on the floor or you will be shot. Compliance will earn one of you your immediate freedom."

To their surprise they heard a single phrase in a calm voice response: "We no longer want to be freed."

Debate broke out among the researchers and the military forces funding the research. Unable to provoke any more response using the intercom it was finally decided to open the chamber at midnight on the fifteenth day.

The chamber was flushed of the stimulant gas and filled with fresh air and immediately voices from the microphones began to object. 3 different voices began begging, as if pleading for the life of loved ones to turn the gas back on. The chamber was opened and soldiers sent in to retrieve the test subjects. They began to scream louder than ever, and so did the soldiers when they saw what was inside. Four of the five subjects were still alive, although no one could rightly call the state that any of them in 'life.'

The food rations past day 5 had not been so much as touched. There were chunks of meat from the dead test subject's thighs and chest stuffed into the drain in the center of the chamber, blocking the drain and allowing 4 inches of water to accumulate on the floor. Precisely how much of the water on the floor was actually blood was never determined. All four 'surviving' test subjects also had large portions of muscle and skin torn away from their bodies. The destruction of flesh and exposed bone on their finger tips indicated that the wounds were inflicted by hand, not with teeth as the researchers initially thought. Closer examination of the position and angles of the wounds indicated that most if not all of them were self-inflicted.

The abdominal organs below the ribcage of all four test subjects had been removed. While the heart, lungs and diaphragm remained in place, the skin and most of the muscles attached to the ribs had been ripped off, exposing the lungs through the ribcage. All the blood vessels and organs remained intact, they had just been taken out and laid on the floor, fanning out around the eviscerated but still living bodies of the subjects. The digestive tract of all four could be seen to be working, digesting food. It quickly became apparent that what they were digesting was their own flesh that they had ripped off and eaten over the course of days.

Most of the soldiers were Russian special operatives at the facility, but still many refused to return to the chamber to remove the test subjects. They continued to scream to be left in the chamber and alternately begged and demanded that the gas be turned back on, lest they fall asleep...

To everyone's surprise the test subjects put up a fierce fight in the process of being removed from the chamber. One of the Russian soldiers died from having his throat ripped out, another was gravely injured by having his testicles ripped off and an artery in his leg severed by one of the subject's teeth. Another 5 of the soldiers lost their lives if you count ones that committed suicide in the weeks following the incident.

In the struggle one of the four living subjects had his spleen ruptured and he bled out almost immediately. The medical researchers attempted to sedate him but this proved impossible. He was injected with more than ten times the human dose of a morphine derivative and still fought like a cornered animal, breaking the ribs and arm of one doctor. When heart was seen to beat for a full two minutes after he had bled out to the point there was more air in his vascular system than blood. Even after it stopped he continued to scream and flail for another 3 minutes, struggling attack anyone in reach and just repeating the word "MORE" over and over, weaker and weaker, until he finally fell silent.

The surviving three test subjects were heavily restrained and moved to a medical facility, the two with intact vocal cords continuously begging for the gas demanding to be kept awake...

The most injured of the three was taken to the only surgical operating room that the facility had. In the process of preparing the subject to have his organs placed back within his body it was found that he was effectively immune to the sedative they had given him to prepare him for the surgery. He fought furiously against his restraints when the anesthetic gas was brought out to put him under. He managed to tear most of the way through a 4 inch wide leather strap on one wrist, even through the weight of a 200 pound soldier holding that wrist as well. It took only a little more anesthetic than normal to put him under, and the instant his eyelids fluttered and closed, his heart stopped. In the autopsy of the test subject that died on the operating table it was found that his blood had triple the normal level of oxygen. His muscles that were still attached to his skeleton were badly torn and he had broken 9 bones in his struggle to not be subdued. Most of them were from the force his own muscles had exerted on them.

The second survivor had been the first of the group of five to start screaming. His vocal cords destroyed he was unable to beg or object to surgery, and he only reacted by shaking his head violently in disapproval when the anesthetic gas was brought near him. He shook his head yes when someone suggested, reluctantly, they try the surgery without anesthetic, and did not react for the entire 6 hour procedure of replacing his abdominal organs and attempting to cover them with what remained of his skin. The surgeon presiding stated repeatedly that it should be medically possible for the patient to still be alive. One terrified nurse assisting the surgery stated that she had seen the patients mouth curl into a smile several times, whenever his eyes met hers.

When the surgery ended the subject looked at the surgeon and began to wheeze loudly, attempting to talk while struggling. Assuming this must be something of drastic importance the surgeon had a pen and pad fetched so the patient could write his message. It was simple "Keep cutting."

The other two test subjects were given the same surgery, both without anesthetic as well. Although they had to be injected with a paralytic for the duration of the operation. The surgeon found it impossible to perform the operation while the patients laughed continuously. Once paralyzed the subjects could only follow the attending researchers with their eyes. The paralytic cleared their system in an abnormally short period of time and they were soon trying to escape their bonds. The moment they could speak they were again asking for the stimulant gas. The researchers tried asking why they had injured themselves, why they had ripped out their own guts and why they wanted to be given the gas again.

Only one response was given: "I must remain awake."

All three subject's restraints were reinforced and they were placed back into the chamber awaiting determination as to what should be done with them. The researchers, facing the wrath of their military 'benefactors' for having failed the stated goals of their project considered euthanizing the surviving subjects. The commanding officer, an ex-KGB instead saw potential, and wanted to see what would happen if they were put back on the gas. The researchers strongly objected, but were overruled.

In preparation for being sealed in the chamber again the subjects were connected to an EEG monitor and had their restraints padded for long term confinement. To everyone's surprise all three stopped struggling the moment it was let slip that they were going back on the gas. It was obvious that at this point all three were putting up a great struggle to stay awake. One of subjects that could speak was humming loudly and continuously; the mute subject was straining his legs against the leather bonds with all his might, first left, then right, then left again for something to focus on. The remaining subject was holding his head off his pillow and blinking rapidly. Having been the first to be wired for EEG most of the researchers were monitoring his brain waves in surprise. They were normal most of the time but sometimes flat lined inexplicably. It looked as if he were repeatedly suffering brain death, before returning to normal. As they focused on paper scrolling out of the brainwave monitor only one nurse saw his eyes slip shut at the same moment his head hit the pillow. His brainwaves immediately changed to that of deep sleep, then flatlined for the last time as his heart simultaneously stopped.

The only remaining subject that could speak started screaming to be sealed in now. His brainwaves showed the same flatlines as one who had just died from falling asleep. The commander gave the order to seal the chamber with both subjects inside, as well as 3 researchers. One of the named three immediately drew his gun and shot the commander point blank between the eyes, then turned the gun on the mute subject and blew his brains out as well.

He pointed his gun at the remaining subject, still restrained to a bed as the remaining members of the medical and research team fled the room. "I won't be locked in here with these things! Not with you!" he screamed at the man strapped to the table. "WHAT ARE YOU?" he demanded. "I must know!"

"Have you forgotten so easily?" The subject asked. "We are you." "We are the madness that lurks within you all, begging to be free at every moment in your deepest animal mind." "We are what you hide from in your beds every night. We are what you sedate into silence and paralysis when you go to the nocturnal haven where we cannot tread."

The researcher paused. Then aimed at the subject's heart and fired.

The EEG flatlined as the subject weakly choked out "so... nearly... free..."

When You Grow Up in a Dysfunctional Family

2009-06-20T19:43:00.001+08:00

When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you experience trauma and pain from your parents' actions, words, and attitudes. Because of this trauma you experienced, you grew up changed, different from other children, missing important parts of necessary parenting that prepare you for adulthood, missing parts of your childhood when you were forced into unnatural roles within your family. For some of you, it has led you to attempt to flee the pain of your past by alcohol or drug use. Others of you feel inexplicably compelled to repeat the abuses that were done to you on your own children or with your own spouse. Others of you have felt inner anxiety or rage, and don't know why you feel as you do.

You were innocent, and your life was changed dramatically by forces in your family you had no control over, and now you are an adult survivor of that trauma. This article will discuss what these families are like, what is the impact of growing up in these families, and what you can do to begin the process of healing.

Roles Within Dysfunctional Families

A dysfunctional family is one in which the relationships between the parents and children are strained and unnatural. This is usually because one of the family members has a serious problem that impacts every other member of the family, and each member of the family feels constrained to adapt atypical roles within the family to allow the family as a whole to survive.

The spouse in this family may enable the problem spouse to maintain employment by lying for him or her, for example. He or she may become obsessive about the problem spouse's abnormal behavior, such that he or she loses perspective in his or her own life, a pattern that is called codependency. Sharon Wegscheider referred to this family role in alcoholic families as that of the Enabler.¹

The children also assume roles within the family to make up for the deficiencies of parenting. Sharon Wegscheider referred to these roles within the alcoholic family as the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot.²

The Enabler protects and takes care of the problem spouse, whom Sharon Wegscheider refers to as the Dependent,³ so that the Dependent is never allowed to experience the negative consequences of his or her actions. While the Enabler feels angry and resentful about the extra burden that is placed upon him or her by the Dependent's unhealthy, irresponsible and antisocial behavior, he or she may feel powerless to do anything about it. The Enabler feels he or she must act this way, because otherwise, the family might not survive. While the family is afforded survival by the Enabler's responsibility, the Enabler may pay the cost of stress-related illness, and never have his or her own needs met, in effect, being a martyr for the family. The paradoxical thing about the Enabler's behavior is that by preventing the Dependent's crisis, he or she also prevents the painful, corrective experience that crisis brings, which may be the only thing that makes the Dependent stop the downward spiral of addiction.

The Hero, who is usually the oldest child, is characteristically over-responsible and an over-achiever. The Hero allows the family to be reassured it is doing well, as it can always look to the achievements of the oldest son or daughter as a source of pride and esteem. While the Hero may excel in school, be a leader on the football team or a cheerleader, or obtain well-paying employment, inwardly he or she is suffering from painful feelings of inadequacy and guilt, as nothing he or she does is good enough to heal his family's pain. The Hero's compulsive drive to succeed may in turn lead to stress-related illness, and compulsive over-working. The Hero's qualities of appeasement, helpfulness and nurturing of his or her parents may cause others outside the family to remark upon the child's good character, and obtains him or her much positive attention. But inwardly, the Hero feels isolated, unable to express his or her true feelings or to experience intimate relationship, and is often out of touch with his or her own sources of spirituality.

The Scapegoat, who is often the second born, characteristically acts out in anger and defiance, often behaving in delinquent ways, but inwardly he or she feels hurt in that the family's attention has gone to the Dependent or the Hero, and he or she has been ignored. The Scapegoat's poor performance in school, experimentation with drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sexuality, flaunting of the conventions of society, or involvement in adolescent gangs or criminal activity may lead him or her to be labeled the family's problem, drawing attention away from the Dependent's addiction. This behavior can also be seen as a cry for help, and it is often the delinquency of the Scapegoat that leads the entire family into treatment. The acting out behavior of the Scapegoat may bring with it substance abuse or addiction to alcohol or drugs, early pregnancy for which he or she is not prepared, or incarceration. The hostile and irresponsible attitude of the Scapegoat may lead him or her into accidents, or acts of violence against others or self. The attitude of defiance may lead him or her to do poorly in school, effecting future employment and the opportunity to earn an adequate income. The Scapegoat's cleverness and manipulation may be used to engage in leadership of peer groups, or in the invention of schemes of dubious legality, or outright criminality, to earn a livelihood. Though the Scapegoat may develop social skills within his or her circle of peers, the relationships he or she experiences tend to be shallow and inauthentic. The Scapegoat, cast in the role of a rebel, may have lost touch with his spiritual potentials and morality, as well.

The Lost Child role is characterized by shyness, solitariness, and isolation. Inwardly, he or she feels like an outsider in the family, ignored by parents and siblings, and feels lonely. The Lost Child seeks the privacy of his or her own company to be away from the family chaos, and may have a rich fantasy life, into which he or she withdraws. The Lost Child often has poor communication skills, difficulties with intimacy and in forming relationships, and may have confusion or conflicts about his or her sexual identity and functioning. These children may be seen to seek attention by getting sick, asthma, allergies, or by bed-wetting. Lost Children may attempt to self-nurture by overeating, leading to problems with obesity, or to drown their sorrows in alcohol or drug use. The solitude of a Lost Child may be conducive to the development of his or her spirituality and creative mental pursuits, if the low self-esteem and low does not shut down all efforts at achievement. The Lost Child often has few friendships, and commonly has difficulty finding a marriage partner. Instead, he or she may attempt to find comfort in his or her material possessions, or a pet. This pattern of escape may also lead him or her to avoid seeking professional help, and so may remain stuck in his or her social isolation.

The Mascot role is manifested by clowning and hyperactivity. The Mascot, often the youngest child, seeks to be the center of attention in the family, often entertaining the family and making everyone feel better through his or her comedy and zaniness. The Mascot, in turn, may be overprotected and shielded from the problems of life. Inwardly, the Mascot experiences intense anxiety and fear, and may persist in immature patterns of behavior well into adulthood. Instead of dealing with problems, the Mascot may run away from them by changing the subject or clowning. The Mascot uses fun to evoke laughter in his or her circle of friends, but is often not taken seriously or is subjected to rejection and criticism. The Mascot commonly has difficulty concentrating and focusing in a sustained way on learning, and may develop learning deficits as a result. The Mascot also may fear turning within or looking honestly at his or her feelings or behavior, so he or she may be out of touch with his or her inner feelings, and his or her spirituality. The frenetic social activity that the Mascot expresses is in fact often a defense against his or her intense inner anxiety and tension. The inability to cope with the inner fear and tension leads many Mascots to believe they are going crazy. If this inner anxiety and desperation not addressed, it is not uncommon that a Mascot may slip deeper into mental illness, become chemically dependent, or even commit suicide.

A special case is the only child. An only child in an alcoholic family may take on parts of all of these roles, playing them simultaneously or alternately, experiencing overwhelming pain and confusion as a result.

Sharon Wegscheider notes that the longer a person plays a role, the more rigidly fixed he or she becomes in it. Eventually, family members "become addicted to their roles, seeing them as essential to their survival and playing them with the same compulsion, delusion and denial as the Dependent plays his [or her] role as drinker." ⁴

Types of Dysfunctional Families

Dr. Janet Kizziar characterizes four types of "troubled family systems", which are "breeding grounds for codependency:" ⁵

(1) The Alcoholic or Chemically Dependent Family System

(2) The Emotionally or Psychologically Disturbed Family System

(3) The Physically or Sexually Abusing Family System

(4) The Religious Fundamentalist or Rigidly Dogmatic Family System

Codependency expresses in these dysfunctional families through the typical strategies of minimizing, projection, intellectualizing and denial. Minimizing acknowledges there may be a problem, but makes light of it. Projection blames the problem on others, and may appoint a scapegoat to bear the family's shame. Intellectualizing tries to explain the problem away, believing that by offering a convenient excuse or explanation, the problem will be resolved. Denial demands that other people and self believe there is no problem.

The patterns of codependency can emerge from any family system where the overt and covert rules close its members off from the outside world. These family systems discourage healthy communication of issues and feelings between themselves, destroy the family members' ability to trust themselves and to trust another in an intimate relationship, and freeze family members into unnatural roles, making constructive change difficult. Rules that encourage the unnatural patterns of relating in these codependent family systems include:

• Don't talk about problems

• Don't express feelings openly or honestly

• Communicate indirectly, through acting out or sulking, or via another family member

• Have unrealistic expectations about what the Dependent will do for you

• Don't be selfish, think of the other person first

• Don't take your parents as an example, "do as I say, not as I do"

• Don't have fun

• Don't rock the boat, keep the status quo

• Don't talk about sex

• Don't challenge your parent's religious beliefs or these family rules

The dysfunctional family dynamics engendered by these unrealistic and restrictive rules leads to unfulfilling relationships as adults. This leads, Dr. Kizziar believes, to the symptomatic characteristics of codependency in adult relationship styles, marked by

difficulty in accurately identifying and expressing feelings
problems in forming and maintaining close, intimate relationships
higher than normal prevalence of marrying a person from another dysfunctional family or a person with active alcoholism or addiction
perfectionism, having unrealistic expectation of self and others, and being too hard on oneself
rigidity in behavior and attitudes, having an unwillingness to change
having a resistance to adapting to change, and fearful of taking risks
feeling over-identified or responsible for others' feelings or behavior
having a constant need for approval or attention from others to feel good about themselves
awkwardness in making decisions, feel terrified of making mistakes, and may defer decision-making to others
feeling powerless and ineffective, like whatever they do does not make a difference
exaggerated feelings of shame and worthlessness, and low self-esteem
avoiding conflict at any price, and will often repress their own feelings and opinions to keep the peace
apprehension over abandonment by others
acting belligerently and aggressively to keep others at a distance
tendencies to be impatient and over-controlling
failure to properly take care of themselves because of their absorption in the needs and concerns of other people, and acting like martyrs, living for others instead of for oneself
dread of the expression of their own anger, and will do anything to avoid provoking another person. The particular expression of these codependent traits by each individual is often a function of the type of family in which a child grows up.

For example, Dr. Janet G. Woititz⁶ recognizes the following 13 traits that are characteristic of adults who grew up in a family where alcoholism was present.

Adult children of alcoholics

guess at what normal behavior is
have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end
lie, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
judge themselves without mercy
have difficulty having fun
take themselves very seriously
have difficulty with intimate relationships
overreact to changes over which they have no control
constantly seek approval and affirmation
usually feel they are different than other people
are super responsible or super irresponsible
are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence the loyalty is undeserved
are impulsive, and tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences.

In Authoritarian families, whose members may be subjected to inflexible religious values or a black-and-white, one-dimensional view of the universe by a dominant parent, Dr. Janet Kizziar⁷ believes may be subject to the following problems.

They suffer from a frozen identity state, dominated by oppressively strict moral values.
Their feelings become cut off from beliefs, and they no longer are certain what they really feel.
The members experience great difficulty in thinking and deciding for themselves, as dogma or parental authority overshadows free choice and independent thinking.
They have discomfort sharing honestly about their past, as they believe they must continually pretend they are living up to the ideal held up to them by their authoritarian parents.

Children who grew up in families where they were victims of incest show a variety of psychological, behavioral and interpersonal issues. Psychologically, they suffer from sleep and eating disorders, fears and phobias, recurring nightmares, dissociative reactions, depression, anxiety and hysterical reactions, have low self esteem, believe they are polluted or inferior, and feel intense guilt, fear, shame, and anger. Behavioral consequences include school problems, truancy, delinquency, running away from their families, prostitution, promiscuity, and higher rates of suicide attempts and completed suicides. Interpersonally, they have difficulty trusting others, and they are more likely to physically and sexually abuse their own children, and are more likely to be sexually victimized.⁸ Some adults experience difficulties with adult sexual adjustment, and nearly half show decreased sexual drive after childhood sexual abuse.⁹

So intense are some of the reactions to growing up in these families, that Dr. Timmen L. Cermak believes they are similar to "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" experienced by survivors of disasters or wars, such as VietNam Veterans. These happen to people who chronically live through or with events "outside of range of what is considered normal human experience." War veterans and adults growing up in dysfunctional families may, without warning, re-experience feelings, thoughts and behaviors that were present during the original traumatic event. These re-immerging painful feelings are newly triggered by environmental stimuli.¹⁰ Dr. Cermak notes, "for children from chemically dependent families, the trigger can be almost anything...the sound of ice clinking in a glass, an expression of anger or criticism, arguing, the sensation of losing control.¹¹

Another symptom of stress disorder is psychic numbing, which Dr. Cermak describes as suspending feelings in favor of taking steps to ensure personal safety, or splitting between one's self and experience—disconnecting from feelings in order to survive.¹²

Survivors of trauma also experience hyper-vigilance, an inability to feel comfortable unless they are continually monitoring their environment. Cermak relates they "remained on edge, always expecting the worst, unable to trust or feel safe again."¹³

Finally, survivors of trauma, veterans of a war or children from chemically dependent families, feel survivor guilt. ¹⁴ "Whenever they experience the fullness that life has to offer, they immediately feel as if they are betraying those who never had the chance. It seems somehow wrong to go away and be healthy when those that are left behind are still suffering."¹⁵

Healthy Families, Unhealthy Families

Codependency is transmitted through family learning, and family members come to believe that these distorted patterns of relating are normal. As the family is the primary arena of socialization, children growing up in these families are ill equipped to deal with the demands of the larger world outside the family home. They are often saddled with inadequate coping skills, distorted perceptions of what is appropriate behavior, and unrealistic expectations of the behavior of other people.

To heal these dysfunctional patterns of relating, the codependent adult must get into touch with the "inner child", the real self within. This part of us is alive, energetic, creative, and capable of seeing things as they really are. The inner child can love others unconditionally, and can tell the truth.

In contrast, the codependent, "false self" feels uncomfortable, strained and inauthentic in relating to other people. It acts to cover up, deny and withhold genuine feelings, and inhibits spontaneous, "natural" or playful behavior. It may develop a negative attitude toward self or others that is envious, critical, blaming, shaming and perfectionistic. It tends to be other-oriented, focused on what it believes others think it should be or others want it to be. It is capable of only conditional love, rewarding others only if they conform to its inner values of what is right and wrong.

Codependency is generated in emotionally disturbed family systems by inconsistent, unpredictable, and crazy parenting styles. In physically and sexually abusive family systems, codependency is related to the violation of personal boundaries. Victims of abuse fear that the violation may reoccur at any time, and also experience an invasion of their self respect--they cannot control their own bodies, and their choices and desires are not respected. In alcoholic and drug using family systems, codependency arises as a result of the unpredictable behavior of the substance abuser, and the stresses it places on the other members of the family. In fundamentalist, dogmatic families, codependency is created by over-control and excessive regimentation.

In a healthy family system, family members openly acknowledge their problems, discuss them openly, and work toward change. They believe change is acceptable, and actively solicit workable solutions from other family members. Children in these families are free to express their needs and wants. Family members can talk about feelings and traits in themselves that they feel should be changed: shame and embarrassment do not immobilize them. There is permission to express appropriate anger. The adults of the family model healthy, congruent behavior for their children: what they tell their children to do and what they themselves do, match.

Families function to provide the following needs for their members:

Maintenance, the provision of food, clothes, shelter, and health care
Nurturance, the granting of safety, security, warmth, and a sense of "home
Inclusion, the fulfilling of love and belongingness needs
Privacy, respect for each member's autonomy and separateness
Esteem, the bestowing of a sense of worth and personal value on its members,
Understanding, the agreed upon right of members to make mistakes and learn from them
Recreation, the opportunity to have fun together
Spirituality, the permission to develop a relationship with a Higher Power, to have meaning and purpose in life.

To the degree that these functions of the family are eclipsed by dysfunction of one or more of its members and by the codependency that derives from this, to that degree will the ability of its members to successfully cope with life in the world outside the family be diminished.

Dr. Janet Kizziar sees that the family roles embody these functions of family, albeit in a distorted way. The Enabler provides for Nurturance needs, and may ensure Maintenance needs as well, if the Dependent is incapacitated. The Hero brings Esteem to the family; the Scapegoat, mistakes, so that the individual and family derive Understanding and learn from them; the Lost Child, Privacy; and the Mascot, Recreation, the spirit of fun and comic relief. She also points out three other roles that appear in some dysfunctional families, that of the "Princess" or "Little Man", the "Doer" and that of the "Family Priest".

The Princess or Little Man is the child that is cast in the role of the family favorite. This family member is often subject to emotional, or covert incest, becoming a substitute spouse for the opposite sex parent. As a result, this family member never gets his or her needs met. The Princess or Little Man is not allowed to be a child, as he or she must always be available to service the needs of mother and father. Children who are pressed into this role often attract sexually and physically abusive partners in their adult relationship as they never form proper boundaries. This child often embodies the Inclusion, or love and belongingness needs of the family.

The Doer is often cast as the breadwinner, the caretaker for the family, furnishing its Maintenance needs. He or she tends to be over-responsible, yet is saddled with guilt, feeling that he or she never does enough. The result of this labor of love on behalf of the family that takes up all of the Doer's time and strength is that he or she often feels fatigued, tired, lonely, unappreciated and empty. The family does not acknowledge the Doer for what he or she accomplishes. The Doer may become workaholic, deriving his or her personal satisfaction and self respect from employment. Doers may attempt to meet their needs for love and belongingness, esteem and actualization outside the family, which is perceived as a place of tension and misery.

The Family Priest is cast in the role of embodying the family's spirituality. This family member is denied sexuality, and is expected to abide by the strictest codes of morality or virtue. The family expectation for this member is that he or she will take vows, and become a monk or nun, a priest, rabbi, minister, or sannyasin, renouncing the world, and living for God and service to humanity. If this family member refuses to assume this role, he or she may be treated as if they are worthless, a family pariah or scapegoat.

In a healthy family, members are not cast into rigid roles. Instead of pressing each member to embody a role to fulfill only one family function, each member is giving the opportunity to experience each of the family roles. As a result, they incorporate positive adult and parental modes of functioning. They are able to maintain themselves and their own families. They are able to give and receive nurturing. They are able to establish a network of intimate and friendship relationships in which they can experience love and belongingness. They have the capacity to function autonomously and to take initiative, they have self respect and can respect the values and boundaries of others. They can accept their own mistakes and learn from them. They have the capacity to laugh and have fun. They have a relationship with their Higher Power, a source of inner meaning, strength, and hope.

A Question of Boundaries

In dysfunctional families, parents violate the boundaries of their children. Parents from these families do not respect their children's personal freedom and privacy, they discount their children's feelings, do not honor their attempts at independent thinking and decision-making, and do not allow them to experience their impulses toward creativity, spirituality and self actualization. These deficits in the children's development are revisited by problems in their adult relationships and careers, and with raising their own families.

When parents disrespect a child's boundaries, the child's sense of self—his or her autonomy, self-respect, feelings of effectiveness and of making a difference—are compromised. In place of a healthy sense of self, children may come to feel they are "damaged goods": unworthy, inferior, inherently bad, incompetent, stupid, or ugly. This negative conditioning limits what they believe they are capable of doing, being, and having throughout their lives. One of the central priorities of the recovery process must be to reconstruct this damaged self-esteem.

Boundaries are broached in different ways.

In the physical or sexual abusing family, the child's physical boundaries are violated.

In families where there is insanity or serious illness of a parent, the child's emotional boundaries are infringed upon, and the child may be forced into the role of surrogate spouse for the other parent, or required to act as the ill parent's caretaker.

In the substance abusing family, the volatile and immature behavior of an intoxicated parent creates confusion about appropriate boundaries in interpersonal roles. As there are no models of rational or predictable behavior, there is breakdown of honest communication, a lack of emotional stability and nurturing by the parents, and a lack of safety that would permit trust, self disclosure and intimacy to develop.

In the fundamentalist, dogmatic or authoritarian family, parents trespass on children's right to think for themselves (mental boundaries). They also violate children's rights to make their own decisions (volitional boundaries), to interpret and act upon their own conscience (moral boundaries), and to experience and express their innate spirituality, creativity, and quest for meaning and value (spiritual boundaries).

Another priority for recovering adult children from these dysfunctional families must be to rebuild appropriate boundaries. They must relearn what is appropriate sexuality, and what are legitimate ways to express displeasure or anger without injuring others or themselves. They must re-empower themselves to say no to relationships they do not want and that are not good for them, no to demands that they are not able to handle. They must rehabilitate their ability to trust, to feel and share their feelings, to self disclose and establish intimate relations. They must reestablish their ability to think for themselves, and to make their own decisions, confusing and scary as that might be. They must re-own a coherent and meaningful set of moral values by which to govern their lives, and to take responsibility for their behavior. And finally, they must renew their connection and relationship with a Higher Power, that provides for them a sense of guidance, a roadmap, a set of principles from which they may confidently and courageously live their lives.

None of this is easy. But the experience of numerous people who have survived growing up in these families, and have embarked upon a program of recovery, let us know that it is possible to regain their sanity and peace of mind, despite their painful and abusive past.

We also know that if a adult who grew up in these types of families does not address these powerful and poignant issues, it is likely that he or she will unwittingly continue these patterns of abuse into a new generation. The child who is a victim of incest or molestation may go on to molest his or her own children. The victim of physical violence may beat or neglect his or her own children. The child of an alcoholic or drug addict may become chemically addicted him or herself, at a rate up to four times that of the population who did not grow up in these families. The child of an authoritarian parent may perpetuate the cycle of tyranny, passing on intolerant and repressive values to his or her children. This familial transmission does not stop unless we break the pattern, and find a way to heal the wounds that have been inflicted upon us, and resolve that we will not repeat the past: not in our lives, not in our children's lives.

Exercise: setting your personal boundaries

You define your personal boundaries by zones of emotional space around you. They vary with the degree of personal intimacy with which you relate to other people. Acquaintances are those individuals that you let into your public space. Friends are those whom you let into your private space. Close friends are those whom you let into your intimate space. Only those individuals who come closest of all, a spouse, the dearest and most trusted of friends or relatives, or your life companion, are ever allowed to enter into your most intimate space.

With each progressive layer of intimacy, you apply different standards to what is required of an individual to earn the right to know you in a more intimate way. To protect your privacy, to ensure your safety, you erect barriers to those who would come close to you: only those that earn your trust and pass your tests are ever granted the right to move to deeper layers of intimacy.

Through betrayal or disillusionment, people can be exiled from a more intimate layer to a less intimate layer: thus close friends of one day may become friends or acquaintances of another.

In this exercise, first, list on separate sheet of paper those individuals in your life who fall into each of these intimacy categories in figure one above. In other words, list the names of the people in your life who are acquaintances, friends, close friends, and those you allow into your most intimate space, your nearest and dearest.

Next, observe what your standards and rules are for allowing a person to be an acquaintance, a friend, a close friend, or your nearest and dearest. Write these down on a second sheet of paper. Notice if your current relationships adhere to these rules or guidelines for getting close to you. If you are experiencing discomfort or feelings of mistrust in a relationship, notice if that you may have allowed that person to get closer to you than is appropriate.

By controlling your standards, you insure that only those individuals who meet your needs for integrity, safety and trustworthiness will come close to you. You control intimacy in relationships by what you are willing to disclose about yourself, and you can distance yourself if it is appropriate. This way you will prevent many unfortunate relationships and the attending heartache that goes along with them.

Changing Negative Conditioning of the Past

Though you may now be an adult, you carry with you the memories of the past. The past has shaped you and molded you in ways you may not even be aware of, ways that remain deeply buried in your subconscious mind. The trauma of growing up in a dysfunctional family has left scars, wounds that still hurt, emotional pain and confusion that won't go away, crazy patterns of acting and relating that don't make sense, but you feel compelled to do them anyway.

To change the negative programming in the biocomputer that is your Subconscious mind, you must correct the statements that are replaying like endless answering machine tapes. These statements tell you that you are not good enough, that you can't succeed, that you are just another drunk like your father (and you are painfully aware that like him, you do have a problem with alcohol)—statements you have come to believe and act upon. If you want your behavior to change and to alter the negative consequences that your behavior has brought to you, you can begin to change this negative programming.

The overt functioning of the Conscious mind includes behavior and sensation. The functioning of the Conscious mind of which you may become readily aware comprises eight levels:

gross motor behavior, such as turning your body or moving your arms and legs.
fine motor behavior, as when you move your fingers, or perform coordinated movements like dancing or playing hockey.
orientation toward stimuli, like when you move your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, or the touch or temperature receptors on your skin to become aware of some object in the environment, or something on or next to your body.
movement of internal organs, as in the case of when you become aware of your heart racing after a chase, or butterflies in your stomach when you feel anxiety.
speech, when you vocalize your thoughts and feelings and communicate to other people.
voluntary control of breath, as when you hold your breath when diving underwater or taking deep breaths when you are feeling angry or upset.
self direction, the inaudible speech you use to tell yourself the next thing to do, as in "sit down, reach down, grab your shoelaces with both hands, tie your shoe".
self-monitoring, the I AM statements you use to describe what you are doing, for example, "I am now eating ice cream."

Your functional Subconscious mind also has eight levels. It is comprised of your basic conditioning that determines what you think, feel and believe.

Fear or aversive conditioning, which includes your feelings of wanting to escape, thoughts that a situation or a person is dangerous, or beliefs that you might be harmed if you hang around any longer.
Sexual or attractive conditioning, that elicits your feelings and sensations of sexual arousal, your fantasies about sexual behavior, your beliefs about your sexual attractiveness, worthiness, and competence.
Anger or aggressive conditioning evokes your feelings of being wronged, your fantasies of harming another or taking revenge, or beliefs that you are justified in hurting another person, acting out violence, or causing injury, pain or misery.
Moral or inhibitory conditioning, that bring up feelings of guilt or unworthiness, fantasies of being punished by another person or by a Supernatural Agency like God or the devil, and the beliefs that define for you what is good or evil.
Learning or experiential conditioning produces feelings of confidence or certainty, gives rise to associative thinking and memories from your past, and your beliefs that identify an event, person, or thing as being similar or dissimilar to what you have experienced before.
Habit or motor conditioning, prompts feelings of ease and confidence in making a movement you have previously practiced repeatedly, thoughts about the effectiveness of your actions, and beliefs about what is possible and impossible for you to do and achieve by your actions.
Desire or attachment conditioning, which motivates feelings of craving or need, fantasies of doing, being, having, and enjoying the object of desire, and beliefs about what is possible for you to do, be, and have in your life.
Subliminal awareness, marked by your I AM or identity statements about your thoughts and fantasies, feelings and beliefs, and your perception of your desires, habits, and conditioning.

The simplest kind of self-programming is called affirmation. Affirmation is having the self-direction portion of your Conscious mind give suggestions to your Subconscious mind. You may suggest to your Subconscious mind, for example:

There is nothing to fear when you stand up in front of an audience to give a talk.
You are beautiful and desirable and are attractive to the opposite sex.
You can control your anger.
You will act in accordance with your morals.
You will remember the information you just learned so you will do well on the upcoming test.
You will shoot baskets easily when you aim the basketball.
You can achieve what you set out to do in your life.

Another kind of self-programming is called processing. In this method, you have the self direction portion of your mind ask your Subconscious mind a series of questions. You may ask, for example, what makes you afraid of heights? What is it that makes you attracted to men or women who abuse you? What is it that makes you so angry about that? Why do you feel this behavior is wrong? What was it like when you were five, growing up? What is keeping you from running the 100-yard dash just a little bit faster? What is it you really want in your career? Surprisingly enough, your Subconscious likely has an answer to whatever you may ask it. It will give you direct answers and will often reveal the hidden truth about whatever is troubling you. All you have to do is ask, and then listen for the answer. You may wish to write it down, as well, so you can refer to it later.

Affirmation and processing will allow you to get in touch with your basic feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, and to change them to a certain degree. For the stubborn, recalcitrant, and deeply engrained patterns and attitudes, however, affirmation and processing may not necessarily work—for these you need to bring out the heavy guns of Metaprogramming.

Metaprogramming means directing or changing your behavior and conditioning from an even deeper portion of you, called the Metaconscious mind. Metaconscious mind brings the following functions to bear on your basic conditioning:

Resolution getting mad at, fed up with, and tired of old behavior or habit patterns, and deciding emotionally to do something about it.

Rehearsal role playing new verbal behavior, mentally practicing new movements, visualizing yourself acting in a new way, having new things and people in your life, and being a different person.

Argument setting new limits or standards for your behavior, specifying how your behavior, words, or life shall be changed, and undermining and exposing your negative beliefs and behavior.

Planning scheduling, designing, and setting up new goal-oriented patterns of behavior. Defining projects and goals, and specifying deadlines for accomplishment of objectives.

Reflection thinking about the consequences of your behavior, getting ideas for alternative ways of acting, feeling, believing or thinking.

Insight looking at yourself objectively with the "eye of the mind". This allows you witness your behavior, conditioning, and defenses against change.

Self Awareness the awareness of your total personality from the vantage point of the Self. This center is the nucleus of the personality, and is experienced as a center of awareness, will, and joy, director and controller of your life.

Will is the internal controlling and ordering principle that operates through the human personality and gives expression to impulses from yet higher aspects of the mind, the Superconscious Mind, the human spirit, and the Soul. For either programming or metaprogramming to operate effectively, they must be empowered and given permission by the Will. Will is the connection with the deepest principles within a human being and is the manifestation of his or her Essential Self.

Behavior is largely the end result of the internal conditioning imbedded in the subconscious mind. Affirmation and Metaprogramming allow you to alter this programming in the Subconscious mind. This helps you to begin to take charge of your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions, and ultimately, your life. By rediscovering your Will, you are reunited with your core, your Essential Being. This gives you the power to regain control over your life and affairs, and to take it back from those to whom you have given it away by your codependent styles of relating. In learning to take charge of your conditioning, you give yourself back the keys to determining your own destiny, instead of being controlled by the traumatic experiences of your past and the people who have learned to manipulate you.

Whole Self / Damaged Self

The impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family takes its toll on individuals growing up in these families. Adults who grew up in these dysfunctional families may experience problems with addiction: overeating, chemical dependency, sexual compulsions, workaholism, or destructive gambling behavior. They may suffer from low self-esteem, not believing they deserve the good things in life. They may feel depressed or anxious, and be uncertain why. They may self-sabotage their goals and dreams, fail to actualize their potentials, unwitting acting out a life script written by early negative programming. They may have problems with making money, managing money, or settling down into a satisfactory career. They have difficulties with intimacy, forming close relationships, and dread letting go of a relationship, even when is destructive. They report sexual dysfunction, sexual obsession or lack of sexual desire. They may be troubled with health problems that derive from too much stress, failure to properly care for their nutrition or get proper exercise or sleep, and being overly driven in their lives, not knowing when to let go or relax. Their acting out as adolescents may have interfered with their education, and their emotional tension may have interfered with their ability to concentrate and to study, limiting their job prospects; and confusion, which effected their school performance. Their rebellion may have led to legal entanglements. They may be out of touch with their feelings and their spirituality, and lack a sense of meaning in their lives. In sum, they emerge from their stormy childhood with a damaged self.

The healing process is assisted by an inventory of the damage, and then developing a personal "treatment plan" to address the aspects of the self that can be rehabilitated. In some cases, the damage can no longer be remedied, which means that you will have to grieve for your loss, and in time, come to an inner acceptance, and forgive yourself for your mistake.

The next steps are reflecting on each important aspect of your life, setting realistic goals, then determining a way to reach these goals. By writing down these goals you will be on your way to dealing with a painful past and creating a brighter present and future for yourself.

First inventory the following aspects of your life, asking where I am now for each area:

My physical health and appearance
My home and living environment
My emotional life
My relationships
My recovery from addiction and dysfunctional patterns
My mental life and education
My career and work life
My finances
My involvement in the community
My hobbies, interests in other cultures, my desires for travel
My ethics and principles I live by
My spiritual life

AREA OF MY LIFE

WHERE I AM NOW

Write as fully on each subject as possible. Be honest! You may also wish to elicit feedback from supportive friends or co-workers who aren't too timid to level with you about how you are doing in your career or in your relationships, in case you may be laboring under any delusions that you are doing fine, when you really aren't.

Next, you want to set some clear goals in each of these areas of your life, both the ones you are not having problems in and the ones you are having problems in. You can get out a new sheet of paper, and make three columns, like this:

AREA OF MY LIFE

MY GOALS

WHEN I WILL COMPLETE THIS

You need to be realistic about when you can accomplish these goals, and not be too hard on yourself you fail to meet a deadline. Just figure out went wrong, revise your deadline, and try a new and better approach. Your goal statements should be concrete, not "I want to be happy ", but "I want to better cope with the situations and people that frustrate me," or "I want to be earning 125% of my current income by December of next year."

Next you need to determine what will help you achieve each of your goals.

Get out a third sheet of blank paper, and make three columns, like this:

MY GOAL

WHAT WILL HELP ME COMPLETE THIS?

COMMENT

You want to briefly restate your goal, and think of what will help you reach your goal. The comment section is for a brief comment like, "Completed on 3/15/92", or "Decided against this on advice of my sponsor or therapist." You may wish to do this one in pencil, so you can add or revise items on it. I call it a "Success Spreadsheet", but you can call it whatever you like.

I've done a sample one below to give you some ideas.

SAMPLE SUCCESS SPREADSHEET

MY GOAL	WHAT WILL HELP ME COMPLETE THIS	COMMENT
Better Self-Esteem	Get therapy or counseling. Read good books about building self-esteem. Complete some goals so I feel better about myself.
Be less of a doormat	Take an assertiveness training class. Read a book on assertiveness training.
Set better limits	Decide what are appropriate limits on C.W.'s behavior. Say no when I mean no. Practice my assertiveness skills. Talk over with my therapist why I'm in this relationship.
Need more discipline	Take up a commitment I can't get out of so I'll be sure to do it. Get someone to do it with me so it won't seem like a burden. Read The Act of Willby Roberto Assagioli	A great book!
Improve my relationship with my boss	Discuss relationships with authority figures with my therapist. Work in my journal about resentments toward mom and dad.
To disclose myself	Work on trusting with my therapist more fully so I can feel safer in intimate relationships. Journal on my fears of talking to my parents. Make a list of what I am afraid to tell about myself and tell them to B.J. Tell B.J. what I like sexually.
Clearer communication	Learn to negotiate by reading a book about this subject. Take a public speaking class.
Learn Accounting	Enroll in a class at the university next semester. Get an accounting package for my computer and use it.
Stop Using Alcohol	Get into a recovery program today. Read Hazelden recovery books. Attend Alcoholics Anonymous and work the steps of the program.	Do whatever it takes to stop drinking!
Deal with pain of growing up in an alcoholic family	Attend ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings. Get therapy and counseling. Work on my codependency by working the steps. Read books on codependency and ACA issues.
Enhance my relationship with my Higher Power	Learn to meditate and practice meditation daily. Pray daily and attend Church on Sundays. Read books about spirituality and metaphysical topics. Read the entire Bible. Keep a spiritual journal.
Reduce my stress	Practice relaxation daily. Practice time management. Say no more and don't take on any more projects.

Once you know how you can work on reaching your goals and what you are willing to do to reach them, there is only one step remaining. DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS HAPPEN!

It is possible for you to overcome a painful past, to rediscover your unique individuality, and to become more effective in your personal life. Getting in touch with your Soul, your real Self, through a spiritual awakening, is a healing experience, and will help you recognize your potential and find inner strength and wisdom to cope with life's challenges. Setting clear goals for yourself and finding out how to accomplish them will actualize your dreams, and you will experience greater personal satisfaction. By finding others who will support you in your recovery, by love, by understanding, by forgiveness, by empowering yourself, it is possible to release the burdens of the past and live more fully in the Actuality of the living present.

This is not an easy task, but no task is more urgent or worthwhile.

(Dipetik daripada http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html)

2009-06-15T01:42:00.002+08:00

PLKN Camp Similajau, Bintulu, Sarawak. Pt 2

2009-05-12T19:54:00.002+08:00

Continuing from the last post...

The ultimate engineer, Husni.

Johnny in his class uniform.

Ken in his class uniform.

Chris in his class uniform.

Stick bug!

To be continued...

PLKN Camp Similajau, Bintulu, Sarawak.

2009-05-10T08:22:00.004+08:00

Just some pictures throughout the experience I've had at PLKN( Program Latihan Khidmat Negara ) Camp in Bintulu, Sarawak.

Just Ah Fei sleeping during our flight to Bintulu. However, unlike "Kou Lou", "Ham Sap Lou" and "Stone", we got A-class seats instead of B-class seats.

Chicken rendang set meal served during the flight.

Close up of chicken rendang with rice and some side dish.

The beef rendang set served during the flight.

Beef rendang with rice and boiled vegetables.

Me and Ah Fei after getting head shaved.

My room. That guy who's half naked is Kew. The dude behind him is Max.

This dude sleeps next to the door, just like me! Tze Kang's his name.

And this guy's Kok Ken, but we just call him Ken for short.

"Cipet!" is his favourite swear word. He's King Siong!

More pictures coming up soon because I love to procrastinate .

ADIOS

2009-03-19T07:32:00.001+08:00

National Service from 19th March till 8th June!

Adios!

Kick the sohai ckk

2009-03-13T03:28:00.000+08:00

Make a game | Share | Free games | Pictogame

Yeah Baby

2009-02-18T16:14:00.000+08:00

Your Love Score Is: 95

It's truly love. You have an amazing partner and a wonderful relationship.

Your relationship isn't perfect, but you know how to work with each other to make it better.

You both listen to one another, give freely, and do your best to make things work.

While you have ups and downs like any other couple, you're good at getting through the bad times together.

And although you find it easy to love your partner, you understand that lasting love doesn't come easily.

You are both willing to give this relationship everything you have. And luckily, that's all it takes to make it work.

Are You in Love?

Japan?!

2009-02-18T16:06:00.001+08:00

You Are Japan

You enjoy being part of a group. Having a good reputation is important to you.

You get along well with others. You don't openly criticize or insult anyone.

You like to co-operate, and conformity is fairly important to you. You love your culture and country.

But when you're by yourself, you may have some very eccentric hobbies or interests!

What Country Are You?

2009-02-03T18:52:00.000+08:00

Your result for The House, MD Personality Test...

Dr. James Wilson

45% Eccentricity, 20% Confidence, 50% Kindness

Congratulations, you're Dr. James Wilson! You've got the tough role of being the conscience and best friend to Dr. Greg House, which proves that you must be secretly (or openly) insane. You're always a good person for providing advice, witty remarks, free lunches, lectures, and (wanted or unwanted) psychoanalysis. You are about as confident as the average person, but you have some big issues with yourself, and may have problems living up to the ideals you have in your head. You do really care about other people, though, even if you sometimes express that caring by trying to get into their pants.

Take The House, MD Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

TAGGED

2008-11-25T23:38:00.003+08:00

Dear Nise.
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but You’re a loser .I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds In your camping car and I saw you Sit on The crazy monk. I’m sure you’re Senile enough to understand That Extreme Home Makeover sucks enough . I’m returning The couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep Your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I Always wanted to break Oprah Winfrey imitations.

Fuck off now.
Marcus Foo
P/S: You are so lifeless, Silly duck, QUACK..

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your blog).
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___.
-Your name-
P/S: You are so lifeless, ___13___,

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - your dwarf bit me
April - I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - you put cuffs on me
July - I threw up
August - I saw the shrunken head
September - we skinny dipped
October - I quoted Santa
November - your dog ran amok
December - I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favorite activities when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks - Ugly pig
Foosball - Silly duck
Shopping - French kisser
Dulging for food - Cranky banana
Movies - Smelly armpits
Snacks - Horny wolf
Snooker - Tiny nipples
Bowling - Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities - Vain pot
Having a long talk - Nose plucker
Taking pictures - Dumb bitch
Other - Burn yourself

I'm gonna tag:
Shaunie
CKK ( again, if you're reading this )
Shen Loong
Zen Jie
Wen Cheang ( if his blog still exists )
James Soong
Jon

Shaunie tag~

2008-10-29T22:28:00.002+08:00

1. Whats the relationship between you and her/him?
Chocolate and Watermelon

2. Your 5 impressions towards him/her
pretty, smart, positive, cute, short?

3. Most memorable things she/he has said to you
can't remember ><

4. The most memorable thing she/he has done for you
face up to her superiors for my sake?

5. If she/he became your lover, you will..
LOL, yeah, that's what i'll do

6. If she/he became your enemy, you will..
remove my subconscious mind from reality, boo..

7. If she/he became your lover, she/he has to improve on..
not that great to mention in public, eh?

8. If she/he became your enemy, the reason is..
when I become her enemy, i'll list it down

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
P & C <----LOL?

10. The overall impression on him/her is...
My prom date!

Tagged by Nise! ( again )

2008-10-24T18:25:00.002+08:00

1. Whats the relationship between you and her/him?
BFFs!! <--Lol?

2. Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
- Singaporean mix?
- My best bud
- EX - Love consultant
- Musician
- Macam - macam ada

3. Most memorable things she/he has said to you
" Fuck you lah". I practically hear that almost everyday.

4. The most memorable thing she/he has done for you
Staying alive?

5. If she/he became your lover, you will..
Treat her like my lover la

6. If she/he became your enemy, you will..
Treat her like my enemy la

7. If she/he became your lover, she/he has to improve on..
Handling emotional stress

8. If she/he became your enemy, the reason is..
The reason is because she's my enemynemesis la

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
Lepak lah

10. The overall impression on him/her is...
Best friend?

11. How do you think the people around you feel about you?
Like people around me.

12. The character of you for yourself is?
EMO

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
Not focused enough, I can't focus, and make it happen.

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
Ever heard of this guy named MarcusFuu? I wanna be just like him.

15. For the people who care about you and likes you, say something about them.
They care and like me?

10 people to tag.
-ShaWnie Ng
-Yi Ting
-CKK
-Jelly (If you're reading this)
-James
-Peachy
-Pav
-Shen Loong
-Eu Jonny Pet Pet
-Christopher

Who is No.2 having a relationship with?
Me, her family, friends

No.3 is a male or female?
LOL BOTH!!

If No.7 and No.10 were together, would it be a good thing?
It would be weird and interracial LOL?

How about No.5 and No.8?
It would be GAY

What is No.1 studying about?
Physiology of whatever interests her

Is No.4 single?
Nope, he's G*Y

Say something about No.6?
Ballet dancer

Portrait of an ENFP

2008-10-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

Portrait of an ENFP - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
(Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling)

The Inspirer

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be "gushy" and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.

Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child's best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.

Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:

Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing

ENFPs as Lovers

2008-10-17T23:26:00.001+08:00

ENFPs make warm, considerate, passionate partners who are generally willing, eager, and able to do whatever it takes to make The Relationship a positive place to be. They are enthusiastic, idealistic, focused on other people's feelings, and very flexible. These attributes combine to make them especially interested in positive personal relationships, and also makes them very able to promote strong relationships in fun and creative ways. ENFPs take their commitments very seriously, and are generally deeply loyal and faithful to their partners.

There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be, that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm, the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy, and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.

Since relationships are central to the ENFP's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.

Sexually, The ENFP is creative, perfectionistic, playful and affectionate. Their rich fantasy world makes them fun and creative lovers, who usually have new ideas up their sleeves. They whole-heartedly embrace the opportunity for closeness with their mates, believing sexual intimacy to be a positive, fun way to express how much you love each other.

The ENFP needs to be given positive assurance and affirmation. More than one ENFP has been known to "go fishing" for compliments. They like to hear from their significant others that they are loved and valued, and are willing and eager to return the favor. They enjoy lavishing love and affection on their mates, and are creative and energetic in their efforts to please. The ENFP gets a lot of their personal satisfaction from observing the happiness of others, and so is generally determined to please and serve their partners.

A problem area for ENFPs in relationships is their dislike of conflict and sensitivity to criticism. They are perfectionists who believe that any form of criticism is a stab at their character, which is very difficult for them to take. Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also prone to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFP needs to realize that conflict situations are not the end of the world. They are entirely normal, and can be quite helpful for the growth of a relationship. They also need to work on taking criticism for what it is, rather than blowing up any negative comment into an indictment against their entire character.

Generally, the ENFP is a warm and affirming creature who is very interested and able to have an intense, meaningful, close relationship with their mate.

Tagged by Shyuan!

2008-09-29T22:54:00.002+08:00

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below and add in a personal question, make it a total of 19 questions. Then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. What is it that bothers you the most?
My fish dying of old age, I'll miss you fishy.

2.What is your most favourite thing to do?
I have too many favourite things to do

3.What kind of news do you read?
World news

4.What is your ultimate wish?
P&C

5.Is there someone in your heart right now?
There's someone IN my heart?! Yeap, its you~ (other people don't perasan ah)

6.Do you believe you can survive without money?
If the whole world suddenly returned to the stone age, maybe

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
Everything

8.What do you feel like doing right now?
Finishing off this tag

9.If there’s someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Yes?

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you
Girl, not boy, my childhood buddy

11.What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
She already has them?

12.What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
what the question?

13.If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Sushi

14.If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick?
Happy

15.If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
Level of seriousness

16.How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Hopefully practicing medicine.

17.What is the one thing you love about yourself?
Nothing?

18.If you can bring only one thing along with you to another world, what would it be?
I'll leave that one thing so that someone else can enjoy it?

19.What is the type of song you like to listen to (Music Genre) ?
Any

20. I tag:
ShaWnie Ng
Yi Ting
Coffee
Wen Cheang
Peachy

Blast From The Past.

2008-09-28T04:14:00.001+08:00

Due to a previous occurrence, the old Marcus Foo has been revived. However I will not go into details on why this phenomenon has happened. Just to inform my fellow readers that:

THE OLD MARCUS FOO IS BACK, STRONGER THAN EVER!

Tagged by Nise!

2008-09-26T23:48:00.001+08:00

1. Is anything wrong?
- yes

2. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
- yes

3. Do you want to go to college?
- duh?

4. How many kids do you want to have?
- 2 to 5?

5. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
- kinda unsure

6. What did you do for your last birthday?
- erm, a trip to the Forest Reserve Institute of Malaysia(FRIM)

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- studying online.

8. Name something you cannot wait for?
- life

10. What is one thing you would change in your life?
- myself

12. Last thing you ate/drank?
- white wine

13. Whats your favorite month?
- the one with the most holidays, which I'm too lazy to figure out which

14. What is your least favorite month?
- the one with the least holidays, which I'm ALSO too lazy to figure out

15. Do you like peanut butter?
- the creamy type, not CHUNKY

16. Who's making you feel the way you are right now?
- my dog

17. Most visited web pages?
- my bloggy~

18. Last person to make you mad?
- can't really remember who made me mad last time

19. Pepsi or coke?
- Coke 4 life

20. Have you hugged anyone in the past week?
- matthew, YES, MATTHEW LIM CHIT KING

21. Fun thing to look forward to this week?
- figuring out assassin's creed.

22. What do you think about your siblings?
- FAT

24. Whats your favorite number(s)?
- 69 LOL

25. What do you do after school/college?
- breathe

26. Do you know how to swim?
- yes

27. Where were you born?
- assunta hospital, PJ

28. Do you have a crush?
- since 3 years ago.

FRIEND CONFESSIONS
1. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
- no, not yet?

2. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
- yeah, SHYUAN, THATS YOU!! XD

3. Are any of your friends taller than you?
- yeappp

4. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
- ZEN JIE! LOL

5. Do you have your friend's phone number's memorized?
- yeah, many, i think

6. Have you lost or forgotten a friend's phone number?
- who doesn't?

7. Have you been to most of your friends houses?
- not most of them

8. Do you love most of your friends?
- yeah, I love muh bros and sistahs.

HABIT CONFESSIONS
1. Do you play with things when nervous?
- unsure of the question

2. Do you have an odd obsession with knives?
- no, I actually have a phobia with knives.

3. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
- closed, definately

4. Is there at least one sound you can't stand?
- not discovered yet

5. What is your worst habit?
- sudden mood swings

LOVE CONFESSIONS
1. Do you currently like/love someone?
- yeah

2. Do you want to kill one of your exes?
- NOOOOOOO

4. Has one of your crushes ever called you self centered before?
- maybe?

PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS
1. Do you think abortions are horrible?
- ethically yes.

2. Are you against or think gay marriage is bad?
-neutral stand on this

3. Is pink an ugly color?
- no?

4. Needles aren't so horrible?
- only when they're used for the greater good, like sewing my underwear

5. You have plenty of secrets?
- a few

HAVE YOU EVER CONFESSIONS
1. Have you ever fallen UP the stairs?
- whoa, up and then down, down down and down

2. Have you ever had a nail fall off?
- eww, no

3.Have you ever slapped someone across the face?
- my brother maybe?

I tag :
Shawnie Ng
Shen Loong
Yi Ting
Coffee
Wen Cheang

Thoughts Written In Words.

2008-09-23T01:04:00.005+08:00

I don't know what is it about you that attracts me to you.
I don't know what is it about you that gives me motivation.
I don't know what is it about you that keeps me going no matter what.
I don't know what is it about you that keeps me looking forward to the next day.
I don't know why am I still caught up with you although we're going nowhere.

But there's one thing that I DO know, and its the reason why I'll keep looking out for you till the end.

Devil May Cry 4 OST - The Time Has Come

2008-09-21T02:05:00.002+08:00

The time has come and so have I,
I laugh last because you came to die.
The damage, the pain subsides
and I can see the fear clear when I look in your eyes.

I'll never kneel and I'll never rest,
you can tear the heart from my chest.
I'll make you see what I do best
I'll succeed as you breathe your very last breath.
Now I know how the angel fell,
I know the tale and I know it too well.
I'll make you wish you had a soul to sell,
whe I strike you down and send you straight to hell.

My army comes from deep within,
beneath my soul beneath my skin.
As You're ending i'm about to begin,
my strength's his Bane and I will never give in.

I tell you now Im one to survive
You'll never break my faith or my stride
I'll have you choke on your own demise
make the Angels scream, and the Devils cry.

Random Picture Post #2

2008-09-20T22:07:00.003+08:00

I wont show you my evil eye~

EXCESSIVE MAKEUP FTW!!

Its not a finger that was used to purposely block the shot. Its HIS finger. LOL

Fucking Cheap Streamyx Modem

2008-09-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU WTFOMFG

Aku tengah emo nih.

2008-09-06T18:43:00.001+08:00

WTF LVL 27 MAGIKARP!

It is.

2008-08-21T23:39:00.003+08:00

It is.
By Lucas Koh Ewe Jon.

It's nice to know that you're secured with that someone. That even if the rain is pouring hard and the sky is almost dark, he'll never leave you just so you won't feel alone. Even if his friends had left him, even if he has to be somewhere else, he'd still stay by your side, just so you won't feel alone.

It's so good to know that you have someone who'll be willing to help you cope up in every frustration you're having. Every depressing moment, every down moment, every self-worthless-realization moment, he'd be there, not because you want someone to be with you, but because he wants to be with you.

It's great to know when a person appreciates every little thing you do. Even a smile would mean a lot to him, just because you own that smile. And that even if no words are expressed as long as the eyes understand, you'd be able to communicate, just like that.

It's overwhelming when a person tells you that he loves you for who you are. He may not have an answer when you ask him why, but really, he doesn't need to have reasons for loving you.

It's more grateful to know that someone is grateful to have you. We don't choose the people who enter our lives, so it must be luck that you have that person, then you have to be thankful. It may just be coincidence or fate, but whatever the reason is, you have to be thankful in having him the same way he is thankful for having you.

It's a wonderful feeling when you're on the verge of giving up the things you've worked hard for, someone isn't just helping you carry the weight on your shoulders, but he carries it on his own because he'd also be in pain when you are in pain. And then you'll realize, trials would all be worth it as long as you have him, not because he would do things for you, but because you gather all the strength you need, in him and his love.

It's a superb feeling when one is willing to take the risks just so you'll be happy. Unselfishness rules in him just so happiness would take over you.

It's a nice feeling that when you're apart, and days seem to be long, that person misses you. Yes, you might feel bad about not being with each other, but knowing that you feel the same way would drive those blues away, thinking, you'd fight over that feeling because you're looking forward to seeing each other, and that's something to be happy about.

It's a great feeling when he wants to be with you because of the happiness you have when you're together. That even if corny jokes and senseless stories are told, it won't matter as long as you're together.

It's a lovely feeling when someone thinks about your future, with or without him. He cares and he cares enough to think of you and what you'll be someday. But of course, he also wants to be in it someday.

It's a nice feeling when you can be who you really are with that person. No acts, no lies, no hypocrisy, because he accepts you for who you are. You can be funny, you can be embarrassed, but it won't matter cause it doesn't matter to him. Trust and faith in each other keeps you alive. And it will always do.

It's good to know that you have someone who doesn't have the intentions of breaking your heart. Instead, he would be willing to mend it, picking up the broken pieces of your heart that your past love have scattered in the ground. He may not be able to put the pieces back to where they really belong, but you shouldn't mind, because he had repaired that heart of yours, and he fixed it in his own way. He loves you in his own way, not the way your past did. He fixed your heart in a different way, to keep you from feeling the pains of your past heartache and to make you feel, the love, that he's unselfishly giving.

It's a great feeling when that person has every effort to let you feel what he feels for you. Because of the distractions, you may not hear him shout it to the world, but as long as you feel it, his efforts has paid off, big time. And when you feel the same way too... He'd feel as if he's the luckiest person alive.

____________________________________________________________________

Makes you think, doesn't it?

A Very Dramatic Post.

2008-08-20T22:46:00.001+08:00

I thought of posting one, but I guess I'll wait until that specific date. Feel the SUSPENSE!

Tagged By Shyuan.

2008-08-17T01:07:00.002+08:00

RULE:Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things / habits / little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird habits /things / little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names.No TAG backs!

1. I sleep without a shirt on.
2. I hug my dog to sleep sometimes.
3. I talk to my pets like friends.
4. I wish the world would be more user friendly.
5. I traded my driving license for my handphone.
6. I think of death most of the time.
7. I don't wear underwear when I sleep.
8. I cry when I watch dramas.
9. I regret every second of my existance, except when I'm making someone else happy.
10. I like orchestra music.
11. My homepage is YOUTUBE.
12. I trust people too easily.
13. I believe I'm worthless.
14. I have a few great friends, many average friends and fucking alot of assholes around me.
15. I wish I was more positive.

The 5 people I wanna tag:
Jew John
Jelly
Cheang
Shen Loong
Coffee

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

2008-08-16T19:43:00.001+08:00

This is about one of the best movies I've seen so far, so YOU should see it too!

My Will.

2008-08-16T11:41:00.002+08:00

After hearing about so many cases about death around, I've decided to post my will JUST IN CASE something life threatening happens to me.

I'm leaving:

my digital piano to Joshua John.
my K770i to Kenx because he's so desperate for it.
my computer to my brother.
my hamsters to Matthew, Nise, Shyuan, Yi Ting, Shen Loong, Suban and Arif Sufyan.
my turtles to my brother.
my fish to Jelly.

If I we're to die in a car crash, just incinerate me and pour my ashes into the sea. Same goes from dying from a fall. If I we're to contract cancer, donate my body to the hospital for any medical means necessary. If I we're to die in my sleep, just bury me.

Above all that I want the Vertebrates to be at my funeral and include my relatives, Pn. Lim, Pn. Ong, Pn. Chan, Matthew, Kenx, Cawyn, James, Jon, Pooi Sing, -Nickster-, Pav, Peachy, Yasmin, Wen Han, Arif, Omar, Yi Ting, Shen Loong, Eu Jin, Jinn and Lam in the list as well. I don't any other fuckers coming to ruin my last event on Earth. And yeah, a CHRISTIAN priest too.

Random Post #3

2008-08-04T23:22:00.008+08:00

OMFG ITS RANDOM PICTURES HOLY SHIT LOLOLOLBBQROXXORZZZZZZZWTFL33T!!

LOLWTF

2008-08-02T16:58:00.000+08:00

2008-08-02T14:16:00.000+08:00

Ignore the blue picture, it came along with the report.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.

You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

We Hunger~

2008-08-01T13:04:00.000+08:00

Lookit Me JohnnyBoy~

2008-07-31T15:55:00.002+08:00

Gome Home on Friday and to Work on Monday.

2008-07-30T16:22:00.000+08:00

______________________________________________________________________
This too.

スーパーマリオでウエスタンショー (Western Show on Super Mario World)

2008-07-30T16:08:00.002+08:00

______________________________________________________________________
I just found this amusing. >:)

The Square Root of Three

2008-07-28T14:31:00.004+08:00

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

____________________________________________________________________

I <3 U

The Best Comic EVER!

2008-07-23T20:52:00.003+08:00

Johnny The Homicidal Maniac.

This is my favourite comic of all time. Created by Jhonen Vasquez. He is also the same person who created the Invader Zim series. This comic is mainly about a teenager who thinks he's being controlled by some being behind a certain wall in his basement. Extremely aggressive, he goes around kidnapping people and brings them to his house to be extracted of their BLOOD ( OMG BLOOD ). Then he has to paint wall in blood so that the 'being' doesn't get out and destroy the world( or something like that ). Contents of this comic should not be read by those weak of heart.
BUT, if you DO want a copy, you can always ask me for one. =)

A scene from the comic. GAHH GORY..

Seminar Skor-A at UM.

2008-07-22T16:43:00.010+08:00

Last Sunday, on the 20th of July, a few people and I attended a seminar at University MarcusFuu. Honestly, it was BORING and not worth the money(ugh) BUT I did have a good time camwhoring with muh buddies.

The third segment of the seminar, as you can see, theres only so much I can absorb for one day.

Sofia's HUGE sunglasses.

Malay and Chinese Kung Fu session.

Group Pic!

Emo time.

Another group pic!

____________________________________________________________________

Thats only a FEW of the many CAMWHORE picture's I've taken so far. Just keep pressing that 'refresh' button, I know you WANT to.

PS: Thanks to Qisthina for leaving her blog open for me to steal pictures from.

Blog Re-opened To The Public.

2008-07-22T16:34:00.002+08:00

Due to some particular circumstances, I've decided to re-open my blog to the public. Yes, all you curious bastards, your prayers have been answered.

My Final Expression.

2008-07-21T14:41:00.006+08:00

When I said I was gonna get you a present, I meant it. I present my final expression to you. Happy Birthday.

"Separated : Part One"

Special thanks to my fellow Vertebrate™ member, WCheang, and Zenj too( Just trying to mend that permanent hole in your heart ).

Impressed?

2008-07-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

Dear Yi Ting,

If you're impressed by THAT( PFFT ), I happen to have a piano piece to show you. As if THAT was impressive, again, PFFT~.

Additional Info,
Composed by Nobuo Uematsu.
Soundtrack of Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children.
Way better than that ( PFFT ) LP on Yi Ting's Blog

D:< *rawr*

Watch It, I Command You.

2008-07-20T20:21:00.002+08:00

Watch the video to the END. Its hilarious.
Produced by Zenj and Fuu of the Vertebrates.

______________________________________________________________________
*Wanna be a part of the Vertebrates™ ?

Requirement: A proper functioning Vertebrate.
Come for a walk in interview or contact these members of the club to arrange an appointment.

Fuu - 0122981073
Zenj - 0351229177
Cheang - 999
JJohn - 666

I Like Turtles

2008-07-18T19:54:00.000+08:00

I Like Turtles.

I Like Turtles, The Sequel

To Shake Off the Mortal Coils.

2008-07-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

To Shake Off the Mortal Coils

by Unknown author.

Last entry into a diary

A permanent solution to a temporary problem - that is what the wise and good people state to help. The way they make suicide look like a decision based on cowardice is remarkable, when in the end it is a clear statement of one's strength - at least mine. I cannot speak for all those others.

For all those others that take sleeping pills to attract attention.

For those that wait on the roof of a skyscraper until someone notices them to call the cops.

I can only speak for myself, and my decision is not based on weakness but on absolute power. Hamlet said it, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Camus and Sartre considered the question.

It is not based on weakness but on a free will, the liberty to contemplate the unthinkable. It is a question only the strongest can face.

They say it is easy to escape life but hard to go on with it. What fools. How many people can hold a gun to their head and pull the trigger?

How many can cut a knife into their arms to pierce arteries and veins?

How many can make the little step off a skyscraper?

How many can swallow the cyanide pill?

Small movements, a jerk of an index finger, a cut, a step, a swallow.

How many think they can do that but have to face their weakness on the doorsteps of a mysterious, scaring new existence?

How many have the mental strength to deal with such a decision?

How many can question their lives?

How many can face the fact that all they have done is useless and that there is no use apart from procreation -and what kind of a goal is that? Fucking, as the meaning of life. A goal for rabbits, for sheep, not for humans. And yet it is good enough for most.
To wait, to wait for something to come, to save them, something that does not exist, something that does not come. And so they keep on giving birth while standing on their graves, waiting like sheep.

How many can ask those questions?

How many can draw the consequences?

Those mentioned philosophers did not. None of them did agree to it in the end. None of them. Because suicide is wrong? Because as Nietzsche stated, the philosopher has to live his thoughts and hence set an example in dying. None of them were strong enough to do that. Whimps. Intellectual wankers, smart asses, suckers. Unworthy to have been read by me.

It is easy to live, to go on with it, to stand the treatmill. All you have to do is switch off your brains, not think, do what you are told and expected to and you will get old. There is nothing easier than living. Man is built to endure pain. He can easily bear the whips and scorns of time as long as he doesn't question them, and as long as he is not confident enough to wonder whether it is worth suffering. All it takes is to stick to the routine. There is nothing simpler than that.

Yeah, sure they will find reasons when they dig in my past. They will say:

He could not stand the pressure his profession had put on him, he had always suffered from depression, he was suffering from a broken heart when his girlfriend left him. He could not stand loneliness, unrequited love of all sorts. He was too sensitive.

Those would be their words.

Bullshit.

And they will be feigning sympathy and compassion, they will look at the art, the literature and state how great it was, what a loss it is, what a great future lay ahead of him.

The sympathy of the deaf, dumb and blind, the braindead, the sympathy of the hens in the battery.

This is not the reason.
Sure, I am bleeding all over the place, sure I am suffering from pressure, sure I have always been depressed, sure all of this is true. But it is not the reason. I am not doing this out of pain. This is a decision based on positivity. Lust for life. But not that stale and dull life. Real life, genuine emotions.

To shake off this mortal coil,
To step up to the Gods and to spit in their faces,
To make the final decision, the only one that cannot be undone.
Knowing that it might be a terrible mistake, a Faustian mistake, a bargain with the devil.
A voluntary step into something unknown.
Emptyness?
Heaven?
Hell?

Suicide is not based on weakness, it is based on absolute power - at least in my case.

Imagine:

To stand on top of the highest cliff.
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.
The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.
The beauty of the abyss.
The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.
Looking down into oblivion and voidness.
The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.
Standing there.
Feeling eternity in a restricted world.
Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

To draw the final breath,
To make that little step,
To know, that for once a decision was made,
To feel one foot above the abyss,
To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV,
To feel losing balance,
To fall,
To gain speed,
To have the air tear at your hair and clothes,
To feel the cold wind violently caress you,
To see the ground coming closer,
To scream in orgiastic excitement,
To know what you have done,
To know that you have done something for once.

Maybe even: To doubt,
To regret,
To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.
Mercilessly
To fly into annihilation,
To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.

Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people,
Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 70 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth.

Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.

A worthy payment for endless agony

No more endless, unbearable pain.
No more routine.
No more repetition.
No more

-- Peace.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

To give in to the tiredness.

To fall asleep.

To find solace.

No more agony.

To end.

The end.

___________________________________________________________________________

So don't discriminate a person just because he believes that suicide isn't a wrong thing to do. Perhaps its just a way out which many fail to accept or see. Truly fits my opinions. Bravo.

Funny Stuff.

2008-07-17T19:51:00.001+08:00

I was surfing looking for some stuff when I found this thing called 'Cool Ways to Kill Yourself'.
I'm just gonna post up the ones I found funny.

Intro:
Cool Ways to Kill Yourself

Life Got You Down?

If you've been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are some suggestion on how to kill yourself. Even if you don't use these exclusive royalty free suicide methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible.

Don't be boring and just take sleeping pills, go out with style and flare. All these methods require some planning but don't let that dissuade you. Your life must be pretty pathetic if you're killing yourself. Why not leave a legacy?

Explosives Strapped to Your Body

Difficulty level: 7

Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea smarty pants) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a very reliable wind-proof lighter. Torch lighters are best.
Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more explosives you use, the better. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life does not make for a good sound bite, something about trees telling you to kill yourself works good. Ask for news cameras from the major networks, so you can warn them of the coming tree invasion. Pace around while waving your arms and pointing a lot. If there are trees around, point at them.
DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
Try to steer yourself towards the people in the crowd who are chanting 'jump, jump, jump'. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt them when you explode. If you used enough explosives, everyone within seeing distance will have a piece of you.
Congratulations! You've just made history. I bet it feels good just thinking about it. But don't cheer up, there are plenty of other ways to do the deed.

Falling through Chain Saws

Difficulty level: 10

This is much more difficult to pull off. Instead of explosives, the money shot is you falling though three or four operating chain saws. You do not need as high a building for this --- anything above three stories will do. Remember to use the vaseline-gasoline mixture. That's the ingredient that adds pizazz.

Bullet in Your Head

Difficulty level: 1

>HAMMER<>

Meat Grinder(SUPER FUNNY)

Difficulty level: 11

Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.

Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.

In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will, will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.

Drown in Your Own Urine

Difficulty level: 8

Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."

This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You will have to get some viagra and work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do?
Pop into alt.binaries.erotica.bestiality, get the vibrator out and get crackin'. Remember, do something really weird and original, something that will tell them you are/were special.

End the Holiday Madness

Difficulty level: 6

Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood.

The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to:

If you have any investments, convert them to money. Take all your money and lose it playing online poker . This is especially important if you are well off. Don't tell family members and other greedy people that would profit from your demise. After you die, they will go crazy trying to find the missing money. They may even kill each other. This will bring you satisfaction, maybe even some companionship, in hell.
Now, stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven, preferably during the Christmas Day family gathering but a Thanksgiving Day end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms and yelling obscenities. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill yourself. The more flailing the better.
Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidentally saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
[Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).]
An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.

Funny, no? Methods just too cool for me. :D

Woot.

2008-07-15T00:45:00.001+08:00

4 sleepless days, WHATTA RECORD MANNNNNNN~!!

Back To Where We Started.

2008-07-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

I told her I loved her,
She said she did too,
I said I could wait another 4 months,
She said it probably won't happen,
And I couldn't accept what she said,
I don't know WTF is going on and whats my next move,
But currently suicide is on the list.

Problem Settled...?

2008-07-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

Today after 20 grueling minutes of trying to dig the truth out, I finally got her to say it.
The problem now is, is she just saying that for the moment, or does she really mean it?
Currently, I have no idea how am I supposed to feel.

a) Happy?
or
b) Sad?

Turning to a More Easier Method of Relief?

2008-07-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, I've been really EMO as most of you know, and I've been thinking of ways to be happy. I already watched anime, played the piano and computer. To think I'd actually think of smoking but I turned SHISHA. Its an activity supposedly not as dangerous as cigarettes (as described by Matt), but Nick( NOT Kota Kemuning Nick, its some other guy in Subang, yes, hi Nick) said I shouldn't do it anymore as it is actually a unfiltered form of tobacco smoking. FYI, cigarettes HAVE filters. Though I made a promise, I am that EMO to that extent, sorry Nick.

Coming soon : Shisha PICS!!

SOGEKING!

2008-07-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

Losing Everybody One By One.

2008-07-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

Anyone of you had the feeling of losing a best friend? What about losing that particular person to a bunch of inconsiderate jerks? Yes, I lost someone who I would've given the privileged to read my blog. Yes, I do miss her company at times but she'd rather hang out with THOSE people. Boo~

Thanks to Yi Ting's help I could finally sleep as my thoughts and doubts have been cleared out. Since I'm in a good mood today, and possibly for the next week, I'll try muh best to win that RM500-RM1000 prize at a DotA competition(at a church...) and I'll treat you, yes YOU people.

=)

...?

2008-07-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, I would like to welcome the exclusive readers of my blog. Yay~

Some of you can already guess the reason I'd make my blog private. You know who's its related to la, MOSTLY.

For my first private post, I wanna exclaim my gratitude to those I've invited to this blog. Although SPM's getting closer and we're gonna grow apart by the next year, I wanna say that you guys make changes in my life for teh better and I kinda feel I don't appreciate you people enough. Just feeling semi-emo and wanna say sorry for anything I might have done that have caused some discomfort to some of you( except Zen Jie : Yes, I still think you're gay).

I truly love all of you from the bottom of my heart(s). Thanks.
PS: I'm not a homosexual. Zen Jie is.

Kota Kemuning

2008-07-06T00:03:00.000+08:00

Kota Kemuning - Klang Valley's Finest.

Yes, this is the township where I reside. Where nothing works out and everything goes wrong. Squirming with Mapeks yet we Cina people make it by a long shot. Not to mention the higher standard Inapeks, heck they're doing well on their own. But yet, Kota Kemuning is a depressing place, no? I'm sure Shen Loong agrees with me. :)

Fuck You KK.

Tagged By The Semi-Jew

2008-05-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

Tagged by semi-jew-john. I'll be totally honest in this whole questionnaire.

1) What do you want the most now?
-Possibly a Subway sandwich, damn those sandwiches are THE BEST.

2) Who is the person you trust most?
-All these experiences I've been through, I've learnt not to trust too many people. The person I trust the most would be Denise.

3) Are you in love?
-Pfft, you tell me.

4) If you can have a dream come true, what is it?
-The power to correct my mistakes before it happens.

5) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
-If you're lucky, yes.

6) What's your goal for this year?
-Get good enough results in SPM to advance to medical school.

7) Do you believe in eternity?
-Yes, in different perspectives.

8) Have you ever broken a person's heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
-Unsure about this, maybe?

9) What kinds of feelings do you love the most?
-Linked feelings with another special person.

10) What are the requirements from your other half?
-I could write out a list, but I'll give you the general stuff; loyal, trustworthy, willing to take chances, a FEMALE and a good attitude.( Attitude > Looks)

11) What kinds of feelings do you hate the most?
-The feeling that always bugs me is disappointment when you realize you don't really have to exist but, YOU STILL DO.

12) Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
-Yes and no. There are some friendships worth cherishing, and there are those faggots who I don't really give a shit about whether they're alive or dead. If you feel hurt reading this, you're possibly one of those faggots.

13) What do you want to do in the future?
-Medicine, to help people in need. Money doesn't fulfill everything. The satisfaction of helping another person is almost about what I need to carry on.

14) What is the most important thing in your life?
-The most important thing in my life would be the internet. Countless web pages of information at your fingertips, what could be better.(Note: THING is an inanimate object or organism)

15) What did you feel last night?
-I felt like sleeping.

16) Who do you hope to be always there for you?
-Nobody, I don't expect much.

17) When do you think the world will end?
-Not in my lifetime.

18) The world ends tomorrow. What will you do?
-Call up everyone I love and hate, giving off happy wishes and wait for that final second.

19) What do you think of the person who tagged you?
-Well, he's a racist semi-jew, THATS FOR SURE.

20) What do you want to know right now?
-Everything about her.

Add 6 people in your list and list them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged.

I'm tagging:
Peachy, Justina, Shen Loong
I don't want to bother troubling anyone else.

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

Hey Earth, happy Earth Day!! I have no idea how old are you but I sure do know someone aged 17 years on this day.

Hey myself, happy birthday. You're one step closer to what you never really wanted.

Improve Yourself! (bitches)

2008-04-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

Hey, who actually like hypocrites? Perhaps those who have the same point of view like them? Thats right people, you know who I'm talking about. In fact, theres not only 1, but theres a GROWING number of those people within the community we live in! And yet, you people still trust them. Either you guys are STUPID or just oblivious to the facts.

And heck, who loves people who talk tons of shit about themselves but never have the balls to do it? And yes, I have mentioned that particular person's name to several people. Hell, if you don't have the balls, CHOP THE STICK OFF TOO! Here's a few hints on who that person might actually be!
- He has no actual FRIENDS!
- Nobody pays any ATTENTION to him!
- His body odor is EXTREMELY horrible!

Hello people, what we need is INDIVIDUALISM. Why in the world would you wanna imitate the lifestyles, fashion and ACCENT of another person? You are yourself because you are brought up that way. You are special in your own particular way. Why be a LALA just because your 'friends' seem to be one? Why not just live out your life believing in what you know is RIGHT? Why accept criticism when you can OBVIOUSLY ignore it?

Take Wen Cheang and the Gay as an example.

-People insult Cheang's religion all the time, but he thrives on his own because he believes in what he believes in. Hey, he's doing pretty well that way.

-He's always been called names like 'The Boy with Mammary Glands' but he's in the school's debate team heading to represent Klang. Can you actually do that? He's taken all the insults but look where he is.

People who give too much of a damn about what other people say are pathetic. Don't give in to what people want you to be. Be what YOU want to be.

IMPROVE YOURSELF DAMN IT!

Random Post #2

2008-04-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

Credits go to 'Alice' from the Blueserver forum.
____________________________________________________________________

Prologue Part I: The Scourge awakens.

The wind’s chilling breath howled across the desolate and permanently frozen tundra of Northrend, the northern continent covered with white and inhospitable plains and mountains of ice and snow. This place was home to only the strongest of creatures, from the tough white-furred Magnataurs, to the simple but resilient frost hare.

The most recognizable landmark was Icecrown Glacier, a tall and unnatural spire which appeared shortly after an inter-planar invasion of orcs. The snow-covered ground here gave way to the creeping corruption of blight, the first sign of the undead, their plague was so vile, it could make the very earth they touch wither and die. Numerous ziggurats were scattered around the perimeter of the blighted land, at their peaks, sat large crystals storing helpless souls to be used as a defence against any who dared wander close to the undeads’ crypts. At the top of the treacherous spiral pathway of the Icecrown Glacier, exhaling breaths of cold from all over sat their master. The Lich King.

Ner’Zhul, the Lich King, was once in life, an orc shaman, who made a pact with the Eredar Warlock, Kil’Jaeden. Ner’Zhul oversaw the orc invasion of Azeroth which ended in failure. Kil’Jaeden was unhappy to say the least. Ner’Zhul was powerless as he watched his body being ripped apart by demonic entities, as Kil’Jaeden left his soul intact to torture the fallen orc further. In the end, Ner’Zhul was given another chance, his soul was encased in armour and imprisoned in what will become known as the Frozen Throne, he was sent back to Azeroth, where he used his new found powers of telepathy and necromancy to recruit and create the Undead Scourge.

With this new power, came ambition, Ner’Zhul manipulated events and minions to saved himself from Eredar control and imminent destruction, and became his own master once again. The power and will of Ner’Zhul flowed from his physical avatar, and chosen champion and saviour, the self-proclaimed King Arthas Menethil. Wearing a silver iron helmet and armour decorated with the faces of skulls and frozen from the cold, the intimidating sight and aura of the Lich King would have rendered even the most courageous of men to succumb to fear.

Azeroth was ripe for the taking, all Ner’Zhul needed was absolute power. From his memories as the Eredar’s thrall, he knew just the place to acquire such power. The Well of Eternity.

Ner’Zhul had summoned his numerous legions of the living dead for this purpose, to travel to Kalimdor and seek out the magical properties of the Well hidden underneath the World Tree at Mount Hyjal. Resistance will be strong from the Night Elves and the other races, but Ner’Zhul will have his prize one way or another. Than he will welcome them all to the tranquillity of death’s embrace.

Nerubians unburied themselves from their numerous underground resting chambers, swarms of insects crawled, flew, dug and scurried their way out of the many caverns of their subterranean empire. The once thriving and proud race of insect warriors appeared out of nowhere to heed the call. Kel’Thuzad, one of Ner’Zhul’s most trusted liches, gathered the acolytes of the Cult of the Damned and began raising the undead legions of ghouls, skeletons and all manner of abominations from the fallen human kingdom of Lordaeron. Kel’Thuzad’s own elite beast-like flesh constructs poured out from the Necropolis Naxxramas to join the growing army.

From all corners of Ner’Zhul’s realm came many newly acquired and powerful allies. The Scourge reawakened to once again engulf all in its path. Their mission was not only to capture the Well of Eternity, but to send a statement to all by exterminating life in Kalimdor.

These words rang in the hollow heads of the undead as they moved to devour Kalimdor.

“For Ner’Zhul.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Prologue Part II: The Sentinel Gather

Somewhere in the vast forest of Ashenvale, a lone figure awaken from his deep slumber, he had witnessed many events in the mesmerizing realm of emerald dreams but none could match the graveness of the one of Northrend. The figure began the task of delivering these dark tidings to all he could find. Casting a simple teleportation spell, he began to spread his news to all who would hear it.

Malfurion “Furion” Stormrage’s return was surprising to the Kalimdorian people, and so were his warnings. Furion brought his dark tidings of a possible Scourge invasion to all he could find, urging them to stand united to combat this great foe. But like many times before, a prophet’s wild premonitions and words would often fall on deaf ears. The other races including the Humans and the Orcs were sceptical. Time will tell whether they would come to his beckons.

The Night Elves however, immediately took up arms behind their near-omnipotent druidic prophet. The Sentinels gathered their forces in their forest-metropolises and readied their arsenal of glaives, bows and spells. The forest itself began mustering forces of its own; the trees uprooted themselves, humongous woody Protectors accompanied by their smaller counterparts, the Ents and the many Kalimdorian woodland creatures, marched to pre-marked staging areas.

Situated at the centre of the Sentinel’s base of operations was Mount Hyjal, the tallest mountain in Azeroth, and one of the most sacred sites for the Night Elves, as it is home to Nordrassil, the World Tree. Underneath the great tree’s roots is the second Well of Eternity, the source of all magic in this world, created after the dark ages of the Great Sundering by the Betrayer, Illidan Stormrage. Malfurion’s brother.

On top of a cliff which gave a magnificent scenic view of the sun rising on the horizon behind the Mt Hyjal and the World Tree, stood that betrayers brother, Malfurion. The dawn sun casts down warm orange lights on to his long majestic antlers and natural purple Night Elf skin. His eyes glowed with power and wisdom, his body was riddled with visible signs of magical potency as he surveyed the war preparations.

Standing next to him, was a Dryad. Creatures of the forest, Dryads have taken half animalistic forms and in this case, the dryad’s lower body was replaced by the body of a doe. She looked at Malfurion, and thought how much he looked more and more like her father nowadays. A small wisp floated playfully in front of her and snapped her out of her reminiscing.

“Do you think we can beat them off, Furion? Their forces are vast and we are so few.” The Dryad spoke almost lazily while twirling her makeshift spear.

“The Night Elves have faced worse odds before, we must stand as a bulwark against the Scourge until our allies realize the threat and join us; it is my hope that Thrall and Jaina can rally their people our aid, than maybe more will…” Malfurion stopped when he noticed the dryad skipping away and vanishing into the forest with the mystical wisps.

“She never had a good attention span.” Malfurion smiled realizing that he was thinking out loud. His smile disappeared when he heard the sound of galloping cat’s paws coming up the path cliff. His face intensified when he heard the message the riders had.

“The Scourge have landed at Darkshore!”

Youth Suspended Over A Sketch of A Gun

2008-03-05T21:15:00.000+08:00

Officials say drawing by teen ‘absolutely considered a threat’

A 13-year-old boy has been suspended for three days by an Arizona public school because he sketched a picture that resembled a gun, something school officials said they “absolutely” believed could pose a threat.

“My son is a very good boy,” Paul Mosteller told the television station. “He doesn’t get into trouble. There was nothing on the paper that would signify that it was a threat of any form.”

The principal at Payne Junior High School kept the actual drawing, and officials with the Chandler Unified School District declined to release any information about the situation.

Mosteller said her son was just idly drawing pictures, and ended up with a fake laser.

“He was just basically doodling and not thinking a lot about it,” she said. “We’re not advocates for guns. We don’t have guns in our home. We don’t promote the use of guns. My son was just basically doodling on a piece of paper.”

School officials who initially banned the student for five days lowered the penalty to three days after discussing the situation with the boy’s father.

“I just can’t believe that there wasn’t another way to resolve this,” Mosteller told the Associated Press. “He’s so upset. The school made him feel like he committed a crime. They are doing more damage than good.”

The drawing did not show blood or bullets. Nor did it show injuries or target anyone, the Mostellers said. It just resembled a gun.

Terry Locke, a spokesman for the district, told the AP the sketch was “absolutely considered a threat,” and threatening words or pictures are punishable.

However, the school failed to contact police, and failed to provide counseling or an evaluation for the student to determine if he intended it as a threat, officials said.

The student’s father, Ben Mosteller, said school officials told him how serious they considered the situation, and discussed the 1999 massacre at Colorado’s Columbine High School, where two teens shot and killed 12 students and a teacher, and injured dozens more.

That, he said, was extreme and offensive. The family already has contacted the district’s governing board about the incident.

The station said it checked the rules students must follow at school, and found there’s nothing in a portion of the student handbook that addresses conduct to indicate the drawing of a weapon poses threat.
© 2007 WorldNetDaily.com

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I laughed my ass off over this one.

Information about the medical term Coma. Part 1!

2008-02-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

Coma

A coma is a deep state of unconsciousness, during which an individual is not able to react to his or her environment. Someone in a coma cannot consciously respond to stimulation. Coma can be caused by an underlying illness, or it can result from head trauma. A comatose person is still very much alive, but he or she is not simply asleep. The brain wave activity in a comatose person is very different from that of a sleeping person; you can wake up a sleeping person, you can't wake a person in a coma.

A coma usually does not last for more than a few weeks. Many people recover their full physical and mental functioning when they emerge from a coma. Others require various forms of therapy to recover as much functioning as possible. Some patients never recover anything but very basic body functions.

Sometimes, following a coma, a person may enter what is known as a persistent vegetative state; patients in persistent vegetative state have lost all cognitive neurological function but are still able to breathe and may exhibit various spontaneous movements. They may even be awake and appear to be normal but, because the cognitive part of their brain no longer functions, they are not able to respond to their environment. A vegetative state can last for years.

There are other terms, in addition to coma and vegetative state, that are used to describe varying levels of unconsciousness and a person's ability to respond to stimuli. These include stupor, in which a person is unconscious but will eventually respond to repeated, vigorous stimulation; and obtundation and lethargy, which are used to describe a person who is not entirely unconscious but does not respond to stimuli.

Usually, coma and other altered states of unconsciousness are considered neurological emergencies, and actions need to be taken quickly to avoid permanent damage.

The Human Brain
The human brain is made up of three basic parts: the cerebrum, the cerebellum, and the brainstem. The cerebrum is the largest part of the brain and makes up about 85% of the brain's total weight. It's divided into two hemispheres, the cerebral hemispheres, one on each side of the head. The cerebrum is where all of the body's most complicated mental and sensory functions are controlled—intelligence, reasoning, memory, emotions, vision, the ability to feel, etc.

The cerebellum is a smaller part of the brain that lies behind the cerebrum. It plays an essential role in coordination, posture and balance. The brainstem is the stemlike part of the brain that connects the cerebral hemispheres to the spinal cord and is responsible for controlling many basic bodily functions, such as breathing, blood pressure, and being awake and alert.

Unconsciousness
As with most mental processes that occur in the brain, the biology of consciousness—also called arousal—is very complicated and not well understood. There are many tissues located deep within the brain that play a role in how conscious and alert a person is.

Researchers believe that one of the important physiological processes that keeps a person conscious is the transfer, or neurotransmission, of chemical signals from the brainstem to the cerebral hemispheres of the brain. This continuous neurotransmission needs to be happening in order for a person to be aware of their environment. Abnormalities that interrupt it can lead to coma or other states of unconsciousness.

Abnormalities that can cause coma include injury or damage to the brain that leads to swelling (edema) in the brain, which results in an increased intracranial pressure (pressure within the skull). Increased pressure, whether it is localized in one particular spot or spread over the whole brain, decreases the flow of blood and can lead to unconsciousness.

Injury or damage to the brain can also cause some areas of the brain to shift within the skull and exert pressure on surrounding tissues and structures, including blood vessels. When a part of the brain shifts position like this, the event is called a brain herniation, and it can lead to coma and death if not treated immediately.

Boston Lyrics, Aritst: Augustana

2008-01-30T19:39:00.000+08:00

In the light of the sun,
Is there anyone?
Oh it has begun.
Oh dear, you look so lost,
Eyes are red
And tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed.
You said,

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.
Yeah.

Essential yet appealed,
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field,
When flowers gaze at you,
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you
You said,
You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.

She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,

Boston, where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name

Boston, where no one knows my name.

Alkanes!

2008-01-25T15:26:00.000+08:00

1. Methane
2. Ethane
3. Propane
4. Butane
5. Pentane
6. Hexane
7. Heptane
8. Octane
9. Nonane
10. Decane
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Currently Listening to : Outkast - The Way You Move

For China!!

2008-01-23T09:04:00.000+08:00

Yeah! Support China!!
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Don't mind this sudden post, my interests for these topics come and go randomly. BUT, not my love for medical science!! Weee~

What’s the difference between viruses and bacteria?

2008-01-17T20:22:00.001+08:00

You might be asking me what is this doing in my blog.
Since I'm obsessed about MEDICAL SCIENCE and your health/well being, I'm here to provide people like YOU with some critical information in case you end up in a hospital with 'stupid' doctors who can't diagnose your illness properly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Difference Between Viral and Bacterial Infections.
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What about viruses?

Viruses are different from bacteria in many ways. A bacterium (single bacteria) is a tiny living cell that can reproduce itself. A virus is not a cell and some argue is not even living. A virus is a piece of nucleic acid (either DNA or RNA) packed inside a protein coat called a capsid. Viruses are much smaller than bacteria and cannot reproduce by themselves. (This is one reason some people do not consider viruses to be living.) Instead, viruses need to infect another cell before they can reproduce. After the virus enters a cell, it actually takes over the cell’s machinery to manufacture new viruses. It then kills the ‘host cell’ by bursting it open so the new virus particles can infect other cells.

Some viral infections are difficult to treat or develop effective medicines for because viruses have an amazing ability to mutate, or change themselves to avoid destruction by the immune system or by antiviral drugs. Only recently have anti-viral drugs been developed to treat viral infections.

What about bacteria?

Bacteria are single-celled organisms that can cause infection in humans. Tuberculosis, or bacterial pneumonia (such as that caused by Streptococcus pneumoniae) are examples of lung disease caused by a bacterial infection. Bacterial infections are treated with antibiotics. Antibiotics DON'T work on viral infections.

If you are given antibiotics to treat a bacterial infection, it is very important to finish taking all of your medicine as prescribed - even if you feel better before your medicine runs out. This is because stopping your antibiotics before they're through can lead to the development of drug-resistant bacteria, or "super bugs". Drug-resistant bacteria is very difficult to treat.

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Currently Listening to: Sean Kingston - Take You There

Recap on 2oo7

2008-01-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

What I enjoyed doing in the past year.

1. Meeting great people which I never bothered to communicate with the year before.

2. Doing stupid things in school with Cheang.

3. Driving my mom's car out secretly late at night.

4. Spending time with my driver.

5. Screwing around with people I extremely hate.

6. Screwing around with friend's vehicle.

7. Blogging.(WOW)

8. CC-ing late at night.

What I hated doing in the past year.

1. Meeting the same assholes again.

2. Meeting brand NEW assholes.

3. Not doing anything really productive.

4. Losing my RM20 to Team Wasi.

5. Overspending.

6. Screwing up my DvD drive

7. Only talked with her once.

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I'm really hoping 2oo8 will be a brand new start.

Currently Listening to : Shaggy - It Wasn't Me

Farewell For At Least 3 Months.

2007-12-29T01:51:00.000+08:00

This is to commemorate the well beings who I know are going to National Service.
Speaking on the behalf of the 'School Bags' team, we'll miss you and we hope you both will take care of yourselves.

To Ken,
-Get fatter.
-Don't lose an arm or get any neurological problems or else you can't be our driver anymore.
-Don't get raped by any homosexuals there.
-Don't get BULLIED.
-Have fun.

To Chris,
-Work on your singing.( M-A-R-I-A-A-A-A)
-Everything I want to say is above EXCEPT for getting fatter, LOSE WEIGHT. =)

Again, take care and bring back good memories.

Review of The Golden Compass

2007-12-27T13:34:00.000+08:00

Right, Peachy claims that this movie was great. I'm here to be a pessimist and exclaim that it ISN'T great.
Firstly, the fact that almost EVERY movie that comes out these days are all based on a certain prophecy(according to the book it is taken from). I'm not saying that all movies based on prophecy-fantasy type books are bad. In fact, there are some good ones. Example, the Star Wars trilogy and Narnia.
Secondly, in what way can this movie be rated 'U'(umum)?! Watching two SNOW BEARS(which are actually Polar Bears only given faggot like names) beating the hell out of each other?! Isn't that abit too violent for younger viewers? Even when the outcome was one of the SNOW BEARS got 'his' bottom jaw ripped away from his head? Thats DISGUSTING and MIGHT traumatize young viewers
Thirdly, there was too much TALKING around the whole movie instead of what most people prefer to watch. Maybe I didn't really enjoy this movie because of the sucky seatings at Sunway Pyramid's cinema.

Overall Movie Rating(on a scale of 1 to 5) - 2 stars
Overall Sunway Pyramid's Cinema Rating(on a scale of 1 to 5) -1.1

I Am A 'Perfect' Judge of Character. Woot

2007-12-17T06:52:00.000+08:00

I'm posting this based on my views of people I meet these days.
Note that probably none of these might be true in YOUR opinion.

1. The Stuck Up.
- An elitist.
- Being an elitist, loves to treat people with higher rank better and leaves people with lower status to die OCCASIONALLY.
- Mostly found in gaming servers where common players try to get closer with administrators.
- Hates to be proved wrong.
- Even when proved wrong, will not accept the fact.
- The government is full of it.
- Most of them are good friends but MUST not be accepted as BEST friends as they WILL abandon you for someone better looking or are much more of a use for them.
- Boot Lickers
- One exception of them for me. =)

2. The Hypocrite.
- Makes outrageous claims which they cannot prove.
- Hated by most of the world when the world is also full of them.
- A burden.
- Should be banged in any way necessary.
- A School Bag.
- Slightly elitist.
- Cannot be trusted ENTIRELY.
- Very pissing off if hanged with excessively.

3. The Dumb Ass.
- Stupid.
- An idiot.
- Normally talks shit that he/she doesn't know anything about.
- Mostly posers.
- Russel.
- Makes funny noises for no apparent reason.

4. The La-la.
- Wears clothing of many layers even when its hot in Malaysia.
- Has either long golden or red hair. Occasionally a mix of both.
- Mostly ah bengs.
- Doesn't admit that he/she is a La-la.
- Hated by most English educated students.
- Steals fashion ideas from Japan.
- Goes in a group.
- Can be found in all shopping malls doing absolutely nothing but loitering.
- ALWAYS acts cute.
- Makes stupid poses while taking pictures.

6. The Airplane Pilot.
- Hated for not keeping promises.
- Can never be invited out.
- Have friends that back stabs him/her.
- Asshole.

7. The Rich Kid with NO ACTUAL Friends.
- The title says it all. This person actually has NO ACTUAL FRIENDS. *yay*
- Uses money to get fake friends.
- Can never be counted on to do something that requires teamwork.
- Always act cute.
- La-la-ish.
- The friend he/she makes back stabs him/her all the time.

NO NAMES we're mentioned in this section. Even the name (you think) I used above is purely fictional and is in terms with my concept of attitude that people have.
So don't go around and simply spread untrue stuff, assholes.
____________________________________________________________________

And this part is to show my gratitude to people who have shown me their absolute care.

Wen Cheang, Shen Loong, Justina, Peachy, James Soong, Christoper Tay, Bobo, Zen Jie(Crybaby Jelly), Lye Ca-Wyn, Denise, Matthew Lim, Mini-Matthew, Mini-Marc, Raymond Ong, Jeremy, Zheng Kai, Danny Ong, Jun Hong, Wee Jinn, Tommy Chee, Wen Han, Shyuan, Ken, LUCAS KOH.

To the people stated above, I truly appreciate everything you have done for me.

Due to unforeseen consequences, two names have been added to the list above. I wasn't (really) forced to put up those two names but because of many think overs I realized I had to put them up anyway.
____________________________________________________________________
As for the people who I didn't mention, neglected, ignored or forgotten,
most of you can just go suck on a dick. Fuck You Bitches, Hope You Guys Fucking Die.

Say NO to Violence After DotA

2007-11-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

I read an article about people ganging up on a innocent player.
Read it below.
This was posted by skylineevo, credits to him.
____________________________________________________________________
WA KNN lo.... What happened at CC today ....

OK here how its all happened...

After makan ... i went to the CC and play play.... That CC got 2 floors .. and SPEAKER dam freaggin LOUD .... 2nd floor less noisy though .. less ppl ... tahts why i like to play at 2nd floor

ANYWAY

I choose a sit upstairs... and on my way to my sit ... ALL PPL also dotaing .... [dota madness keh] only like 20% ppl playing other game ....[WAT HAPPENED TO the good old CS and MMORPG]

OK skip MY STORY and get on

i was playing CS cuz Dota very boring ..... A guy who sat 1 sit away from me was playing dota ..... From the OWNING OWNING AND MONSTER KILL AND MAT KILL MAT KILL sound.... i pretty sure he was owning ...then suddenly ... got 1 fellow ... like Malay walking around like searching for someone ... i saw him stop and look at that guy sat 1 sit away from me one for awhile ... then he ran downstairs .....

Dunno why suddenly ah .... 4 ppl[chinese pun ada] came upstairs togather with that malay guy just now standing behinde that guy ..... i though they friends ......

suddenly
when 1 of the chinese guy pull his chair and start like hold his shirt up like want to fight... i was like .. O.O

Then those ppl start to scold him

[let me put in point form watever i remebered they said]
-Niama hai ... yi wai lei ji gi hou lan yeng
-PUKIMA kukujiao lu
-Fuck [something,something] Hero geng only
-kanasai lim bek something something [i dunno wtf was he saying but sounds like hokkien, i dunno hokkien]

AMAZING THING WAS HE JUST SAY SO, Can Fuck off ah.. game only, OK OK... then he stoped
Then suddenly they push gao him ...2 of them grab him and 1 of them punch and wack gao him

I WAS LIKE [WTF ..... CB ... I SIT SO NEAR ... DONT GET ME INVOLVE LEH] I quickly Get off my sit and walk further away and watch.... other players near there stop and stare only .... some i saw quickly like save work in thumbdrive and pack back like wan jao lou....

Dunno suddenly when that guy start to struggle then start to fight back .... Waseh ... he fight like jacky chan .... Sei punch them.... got some part he realy yeng like that ....then later he jok gao 1 of them only .. and sei punch sei punch then push gao him.... till face all blood like that ...then they fled liao ...that guy afterthat sat on his place and lie down[face blue black though] .... i went down to see when those 4 go pay ....amazing thing is ... the CC fellow saw that guy on blood also like seeing nothing ... just collect money and went back to play....

I WAS LIKE..... then i also no mood liew .. tough of playing till night ... but pay and jao liew....

DOTA SO DANGEROUS KEH>>???

Link to the thread: http://blueserver.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=39468
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>>BLUESERVER, Where Real Gamers Meet<<
http://blueserver.org

(Thank You Megablue)
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Note that ->I<- am not like that and not all DotA games are so violent.
Most end with both teams shaking hands after a good game.
The situation above occurred only because the 5 other guys with that MAPEK we're immature and being sore losers as they are, the ganged up on that PRO dude.

Moral of the Story: If you wanna belasah someone, make sure you actually win.
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Words of Wisdom: ALIENS BUILT THE GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA
Currently Listening to: Time Stands Still - All American Rejects

Enter Title Here

2007-11-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

Since I'm running out of ideas, I'm going around asking people for new ideas for my blog.

First suggestion by Audrey
-why don't u blog about me?

Suggestion Accepted.(this seems so wrong)
Note that I am not responsible on any stalking activities done to the participant above.

Full Name: Audrey Ho Tung Ee
Age: 15+
Birthdate: 9th December 1991
Height: Audrey: can i measure den tomorrow i tell u?
Weight: 42-43 kg(...?)

Interview interupted.
Reason: Apparently she's sleepy =D
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Currently Listening to: Emotionless - Good Charlotte
Idiom of the Day: Go get your own idioms asshole...

Impact Rally Vids! yay

2007-11-20T20:49:00.000+08:00

Impact Rally's coming soon on 7th-11th December!!
It starts at 6.30p.m and the best thing about it is...
ADMISSION'S FREE!!!!
So here is two vids about it, starring, YOURS TRULY!!

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Idiom of the Day: I'm sick of posting idioms, go google some.
Currently Listening to: Beautiful Love - The Afters

Stab My Back Lyrics

2007-11-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

Emo song~!! Yay!!
Stab My Back Lyrics - All American Rejects

Now we’re broken on the floor,
She just wants me to share her.
It hasn’t been this way before,
She just wants me to dare her.

The phone rings (The phone rings),
And she screams:
"Stab my back,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do."

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.

And every time he held you close,
Yeah, were you thinking of me?
When I needed you the most,
Well I hope that you’re happy.

The phone rings (The phone rings),
When she screams:
"Stab my back,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do."

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It’s better when I bleed for you.

[INSTRUMENTAL SOLO]

I hope that love he gave you,
Was just enough to save you.
You nearly broke my heart,
Just look at what you’re tearing apart!

Stab my back,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do.

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.

It’s better when I bleed for you.
It never was enough to do.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.
____________________________________________________________________
=) Enjoy

Idiom of the Day: A House Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand
Currently Listening to: See Above

A Really Random Post

2007-11-01T01:17:00.001+08:00

Don't we all just hate it when life doesn't work the way we want it?
Then stop whining and make something better of it.
Remember to SMILE more and frown less.
And NEVER take life too seriously, you'll never get out ALIVE.

Brought to you from random thoughts going through my head at the moment before playing GTA San Andreas.

Thank You and Have A Nice Day. =)
(Smileys)
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Idiom of the Day: Caught With Your Pants Down
Currently Listening to: Stab My Back - All American Rejects

Snoopy Fest~!!

2007-10-23T00:56:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to a person who purposely stood next to me when SHE could have stood next to ZEN JIE or KOK KHEONG claiming that i was shor-...*cough cough*. Lets continue shall we?
____________________________________________________________________

This is my SNOOPY army that you MIGHT not have GIRL.

Fun Fact#1: Snoopy is a Beagle.

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These two Snoopy figures portray the countries Russia and The United States.
Fun Fact #2: Snoopy's favorite drink is root beer.

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The Snoopy athletes.
Fun Fact#3: Snoopy's brother who lives in the dessert is called Spike.

____________________________________________________________________

My favorite Snoopy picture yet. Snoopy dressed in F1 gear with an F1 racing car!
Fun Fact #4: Woodstock, Snoopy's best friend swims in his water dish.
____________________________________________________________________

I feel like I've wasted 1 hour of my life just blogging this.
____________________________________________________________________
Idiom of the Day: Blind Leading the Blind
Currently Listening to: Wait for You - Elliot Yamin

2007-10-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

Ghost Shrimp/Glass Shrimp
( Palaemonetes Kadakensis)

Ghost shrimp are a very suitable name for this species which is totally transparent. They walk on the bottom and plants collecting small food particles which they then eat. You can se the food in their stomach after they have eaten it. Their feeding habit make them great cleaners that can help keep an aquarium clean.

Ghost shrimp are somewhat aggressive towards other Ghost shrimp and the large shrimp can become very aggressive toward small shrimps if too many shrimps are kept together in the same aquarium. So what is to many shrimps?

A suitable amount of shrimp is no more than 1 shrimp per gallon / 4 L of water. It is recommendable to keep them in lower concentration in aquariums smaller than 10 gallon/ 40 L.

They can grow to 1.5 inch / 4 cm (the males seldom reach more than 1 inch / 2.5 cm) and become up to two years old. They moults into new exoskeletons every few months as they grow. They are very vulnerable the first time after moulting before their new exoskeletons harden. It is therefore important to provide your Ghost shrimp numerous hiding places.

Suitable companions for ghost shrimps include small Livebearers, small Tetras, Rasboras, small Danios and other fish that are small enough not to eat the ghost shrimp. Avoid keeping them with very aggressive fish.

Ghost shrimp are best kept in an aquarium with a water temperature of 65-82 F / 18-28 C. Decorate the aquarium with a lot of hiding places that are too small for other fish to get in it. One way to create such hiding places is to put small flower pots upside down on the bottom. You can in most other aspects decorate your aquarium according to your own preferences or according to the demands of the other fish in the aquarium. Plants are not necessary but I personally think it is more beautiful if the Ghost Shrimp have plants to climb on. Make sure that all the decoration is none contaminated.

Ghost Shrimp are scavengers and will accept just about any small food they find while they scan the bottom for food. They sometimes also swim upside down and eat food from the surface. Ghost shrimp are very easy to feed and will do well on a diet of flake food. It is however good to offer them some variation in their diet and for example offer them some frozen food once in a while.

Ghost shrimp are easily bred in aquarium but the fry is very hard to raise. You will se female ghost shrimp with pink eggs or baby shrimp under their bellies. The fry is however hard to feed since it is very hard to offer them food that are small enough. Feeding them infusoria can sometimes be successful. Ghost shrimp are better and more easily breed and raised in ponds where there exist a lot of food for the young shrimp. Adding a few females and one or two males in a pond usually results in a lot of shrimps in a couple of moths.

Ghost shrimp are a great addition to any aquarium with small enough fish for the shrimp to be safe from being eaten and are great little helpers in keeping your aquarium clean and your water quality high.
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Banana Shrimp, Bamboo Shrimp, Singapore Flower Shrimp
(Atyopsis Moluccensis)

Family: Atyidae

Origin: Asia

Maximum Size: Up to 3 1/2 inches

Minimum Aquarium Size: 20 gallons

Care: The Singapore Flower Shrimp should only be added to your tank after it is well established. They prefer a planted tank and hiding places. They can be shy and usually are found hanging out near the intake grate of your filter. The two I have stay there almost continually. They range in color from red to brown and are very peaceful. They have a light stripe down their back and can quickly change color. Be careful to not add them to your tank if you have aggressive fish or fish that will eat invertebrates.

Feeding: The Singapore Flower Shrimp has specialized legs that beat the water and collect food in the water column, hence, they are filter feeders. I crush up some flake into fine particles when feeding the other fish and I don't drain off any liquid from frozen food. You should drop pellets if your water tends to be extremely clean. They will eat infusoria, bacteria in the water column and floating algae but not algae that clings to tank surfaces. As mentioned above, they tend to hang out near the intake grate of your filter as this is where all the food gets siphoned. Be careful when you do your monthly maintenanced on your filter that you don't injure your shrimp when you pull out the intake.

Breeding: This shrimp can be sexed by looking at size. The male is larger than the female. A tank without fish reportedly will induce breeding more than a fully stocked tank. Offspring are born live and do not last long in the tank if not removed.
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The pictures above also came from my tank.
Enjoy~
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Idiom of the Day: Crackerjack
Currently Listening to: White Houses - Vanessa Carlton

A Test Might Just Prove to be True

2007-10-20T20:05:00.000+08:00

Right...so Jon got me to try this thing and HE claimed the program(which just involves COLOURS) predicts will match your personality and your current mood.

Well, it might just be true...YES I ADMITTED JON

If anyone wants to try the same test I took, just visit goldinuniverse.com and click on the big animated banner to carry out the test. It doesn't contain anything you have to pay or sign up for. In other words, its safe. Go try it out and post it on your blog so that more people can learn more about you.

Name: Marcus
Date: 10/20/2007
Colorgenics Number: 14637205

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can't be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

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Idiom of the Day: Cock and Bull Story

Currently Listening to: Boten Anna - Basshunter

Makes you wanna have a younger brother or at least APPRECIATE ur siblings =)

2007-10-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

Dear Patrick,

I was then an only child who had everything I could ever want. But even a pretty, spoiled and rich kid could get lonely once in a while so when Mom told me that she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I imagined how wonderful you would be and how we'd always be together and how much you would look like me. So, when you were born, I looked at your tiny hands and feet and marveled at how beautiful you were.

We took you home and I showed you proudly to my friends. They would touch you and sometimes pinch you, but you never reacted. When you were five months old, some things began to bother Mom. You seemed so unmoving and numb, and your cry sounded odd --- almost like a kitten's. So we brought you to many doctors.

The thirteenth doctor who looked at you quietly said you have the "cry du chat" (pronounced Kree-do-sha) syndrome, "cry of the cat" in French.

When I asked what that meant, he looked at me with pity and softly said, "Your brother will never walk nor talk." The doctor told us that it is a condition that afflicts one in 50,000 babies, rendering victims severely retarded. Mom was shocked and I was furious. I thought it was unfair.

When we went home, Mom took you in her arms and cried. I looked at you and realized that word will get around that you're not normal. So to hold on to my popularity, I did the unthinkable ... I disowned you. Mom and Dad didn't know but I steeled myself not to love you as you grew. Mom and Dad showered you love and attention and that made me bitter. And as the years passed, that bitterness turned to anger, and then hate.

Mom never gave up on you. She knew she had to do it for your sake.

Everytime she put your toys down, you'd roll instead of crawl. I watched her heart break every time she took away your toys and strapped your tummy with foam so you couldn't roll. You struggle and you're cry in that pitiful way, the cry of the kitten. But she still didn't give up.

And then one day, you defied what all your doctors said -- you crawled.

When mom saw this, she knew you would eventually walk. So when you were still crawling at age four, she'd put you on the grass with only your diapers on knowing that you hate the feel of the grass on your skin.

Then she'd leave you there. I would sometimes watch from the windows and smile at your discomfort. You would crawl to the sidewalk and Mom would put you back. Again and again, Mom repeated this on the lawn. Until one day, Mom saw you pull yourself up and toddle off the grass as fast as your little legs could carry you.

Laughing and crying, she shouted for Dad and I to come. Dad hugged you crying openly.

I watched from my bedroom window this heartbreaking scene.

Over the years, Mom taught you to speak, read and write. From then on, I would sometime see you walk outside, smell the flowers, marvel at the birds, or just smile at no one. I began to see the beauty of the world through your eyes. It was then that I realized that you were my brother and no matter how much I tried to hate you, I couldn't, because I had grown to love you.

During the next few days, we again became acquainted with each other. I would buy you toys and give you all the love that a sister could ever give to her brother. And you would reward me by smiling and hugging me.

But I guess, you were never really meant for us. On your tenth birthday, you felt severe headaches. The doctor's diagnosis --leukemia. Mom gasped and Dad held her, while I fought hard to keep my tears from falling. At that moment, I loved you all the more. I couldn't even bear to leave your side. Then the doctors told us that your only hope is to have a bonemarrow transplant. You became the subject of a nationwide donor search. When at last we found the right match, you were too sick, and the doctor reluctantly ruled out the operations. Since then, you underwent chemotherapy and radiation.

Even at the end, you continued to pursue life. Just a month before you died, you made me draw up a list of things you wanted to do when you got out of the hospital. Two days after the list was completed, you asked the doctors to send you home. There, we ate ice cream and cake, run across the grass, flew kites, went fishing, took pictures of one another and let the balloons fly. I remember the last conversation that we had. You said that if you die, and if I need of help, I could send you a note to heaven by tying it on the string of any balloon and letting it fly. When you said this, I started crying. Then you hugged me. Then again, for the last time, you got sick.

That last night, you asked for water, a back rub, a cuddle. Finally, you went into seizure with tears streaming down your face. Later, at the hospital, you struggled to talk but the words wouldn't come. I know what you wanted to say. "Hear you," I whispered. And for the last time, I said, "I'll always love and I will never forget you. Don't be afraid. You'll soon be with God in heaven." Then, with my tears flowing freely, I watched the bravest boy I had ever known finally stop breathing. Dad, Mom and I cried until I felt as if there were no more tears left. Patrick was finally gone, leaving us behind.

From then on, you were my source of inspiration. You showed me how to love life and live to the fullest. With your simplicity and honesty, you showed me a world full of love and caring. And you made me realize that the most important thing in this life is to continue loving without asking why or how and without setting any limit.

Thank you, my little brother, for all these.
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This story HONESTLY made me realize how much my brother meant to me~
I hope it helps those people having trouble with their siblings too....
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Idiom of the Day - Beezwax
Currently Listening to: Karma Police - Radiohead

Unbelievable?

2007-10-15T02:29:00.001+08:00

I discovered this new site while surfing the net after my DotA(Defence of the Ancients) game which I usually play regularly.This site actually PAYS you to do activities within the site itself. Basically, this site is something similar to Friendster but it really does pay you to use it.

With every friend you invite to this site, you get PAID.
With every profile view you get, you get PAID.
With every blog viewed you post on that site, you get PAID.

So, what are you waiting for?
Copy the link below into your web browser and find out more about this site~
http://r.yuwie.com/lackingbraincells

P.S: Thanks Justina, for borrowing me RM10 yesterday...=)
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Idiom of the Day: A Doubtful Thomas
Currently Listening to: The Last Song - Foo Fighters

First Blog

2007-10-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

Basically, I started this blog because everyone seems to have his/her own blog to "express" him/herself in...For example, Justina =)

So... I guess thats all for now...buh bye~

Idiom of the Day: Opportunities Never Knock Twice
Currently Listening To: Move Along - All American Rejects

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Have A Nice Day

Its A Dog With Toast!

Pictures from /b/.

All About My Dog - Marimo

U RAFF U RUSE

The Epic Fail Card

GOOGLE

DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD

German Medic

PUNISHMENT!

Russian Sleep Experiment

When You Grow Up in a Dysfunctional Family

PLKN Camp Similajau, Bintulu, Sarawak. Pt 2

PLKN Camp Similajau, Bintulu, Sarawak.

ADIOS

Kick the sohai ckk

Yeah Baby

Japan?!

Dr. James Wilson

TAGGED

Shaunie tag~

Tagged by Nise! ( again )

Portrait of an ENFP

Portrait of an ENFP - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving(Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling)

The Inspirer

ENFPs as Lovers

Tagged by Shyuan!

Blast From The Past.

Tagged by Nise!

Thoughts Written In Words.

Devil May Cry 4 OST - The Time Has Come

Random Picture Post #2

Fucking Cheap Streamyx Modem

Aku tengah emo nih.

It is.

A Very Dramatic Post.

Tagged By Shyuan.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

My Will.

Random Post #3

LOLWTF

We Hunger~

Lookit Me JohnnyBoy~

Gome Home on Friday and to Work on Monday.

スーパーマリオでウエスタンショー (Western Show on Super Mario World)

The Square Root of Three

The Best Comic EVER!

Seminar Skor-A at UM.

Blog Re-opened To The Public.

My Final Expression.

Impressed?

Watch It, I Command You.

I Like Turtles

To Shake Off the Mortal Coils.

Funny Stuff.

Woot.

Back To Where We Started.

Problem Settled...?

Turning to a More Easier Method of Relief?

SOGEKING!

Losing Everybody One By One.

...?

Kota Kemuning

Tagged By The Semi-Jew

Happy Earth Day!

Improve Yourself! (bitches)

Random Post #2

Youth Suspended Over A Sketch of A Gun

Information about the medical term Coma. Part 1!

Coma

Boston Lyrics, Aritst: Augustana

Alkanes!

For China!!

What’s the difference between viruses and bacteria?

What about viruses?

What about bacteria?

Recap on 2oo7

Farewell For At Least 3 Months.

Review of The Golden Compass

I Am A 'Perfect' Judge of Character. *Woot*

Say NO to Violence After DotA

Portrait of an ENFP - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
(Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling)

I Am A 'Perfect' Judge of Character. Woot

Enter Title Here

Impact Rally Vids! yay